drifting away...

For the last few weeks almost everyone I talk to keeps asking me if I have felt the baby move yet and I keep having to say, "No, not yet".  Well, I'm finally feeling something.  I thought a couple times that I was feeling it, but I wasn't quite sure.  Today, however, I was feeling it all day long.  A little flutter here, little flutter there.  I'm very happy to be able to say now that I'm feeling the baby move.  Each step closer makes it feel much more real to me somehow.

Also, hubby and I have finally settled on names so next week when we find out what it is we can start using a name instead of just calling it "the baby".  It took us a long time to agree on anything and then after we did, we had to change the boy name because hubby found out his boss had just named his new baby the same name we were planning on using.  It is nice to know that we have finally made a solid decision though.

Do you ever have one of those days where you have all kinds of different thoughts rolling around in your head and you want to write them all out but they just keep bumping into each other?  Yep, I'm having one of those days.

One of the things I have been thinking about is how quickly January seemed to fly by.  I'm in no way complaining though because I'm very much looking forward to February.  The 6th is my mom's 50th birthday (and the Super Bowl).  With everything she has been through in the last 6 years or so, making it to 50 is quite an accomplishment.  We'll be having a birthday/super bowl party at my house that night which should be fun.  On the 9th we finally get to have the ultrasound done for the baby and I can't wait for that.  I'm so anxious to see it on the screen and to hopefully find out out if we'll be having a boy or girl.  Then, the next day, the 10th is my birthday.  I'm not super excited about my birthday this year but it's still a special day regardless.  And then, of course, is Valentine's Day.  I've never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day, but I am kinda hoping that hubby will try to make it special this year.  I would be very satisfied with a nice romantic dinner and massage...but I doubt that's what he has in mind!  Needless to say the next couple weeks are going to be very busy!

I cleaned up my blog links this morning.  I missed many of my favorite reads on Friday because I couldn't remember the blog addresses and my links weren't up to date.  I have them all in my favorites on my work computer but didn't have them at home.  So, now they are all in place where they should be.  I did delete some old ones, so if you notice you got deleted and want to be back on the list let me know.

I had a pretty nice weekend and I'm feeling a bit better.  I'm still a little stuffy-headed, but it seems like its not going to hang on too much longer.  I really hate being sick!  I suppose my week is starting off pretty good so far.  Have a wonderful Monday everyone!

I had to drag myself out fo bed this morning.  I really didn't want to get up.  After laying in bed awake half the night, I had just gotten really comfortable about the time the alarm went off.  But since it is Friday, I figured I could handle one more day so I got up showered and got ready for work.  I finally got to work, checked my e-mail and a few blogs and had myself prepared to get some work done.  I walked down to the other end of the office and my mom took one look at me and said "you have a fever, go home."  Of course I wasn't going to complain about that so I packed up and came home.  Now here I am laying in bed watching I Love the 90's on VH1 and I can't go to sleep for anything.  So, what do I do?  Blog about it of course!

Hope you're all having a better day than I am!

Green Spandex-by Xavier Rudd

I guess this is the rushed goodbye
That I thought would never come
The woman who lit the light
For a family in the dark
Starring at the mirror
I see your smile through my own
Your spark embedded deep inside
Will give me strength
Will give us hope

And I’ll never lose your touch
No I’ll never lose touch

This will take me a while
Because I miss your smile
I guess I new your time would come
But for now I miss your smile
It’s gonna take me a while

Thank you for your loyal stance
Green spandex and crazy style
Thank you for the happiness
That you gave to our lives
Although now our hearts are cracked
And our tears are slow to dry
We must count ourselves
The lucky ones
For we were with you in your prime

And I’ll never lose your touch
No I’ll never lose touch

Please stay in touch
Because I need you in my heart
Please stay in touch
I need your touch

I've had a couple requests now for a "belly" picture and I just can't stand to keep my fans in suspense for very long so I went home yesterday and took some pictures.  Then I decided I would have some fun in Photoshop with them.  So, for those of you who wanted to see it, here's one of the belly and one of me with my new hair color (although I'm looking rather pale and a bit shiny in it).  Enjoy!

      

Things have been going pretty great for me lately.  I've been feeling good.  I've been accomplishing a lot.  I've been happy for the most part.  Then lastnight I noticed a little bit of scratchiness in my throat.  A little later I could barely swallow, my eyes were burning and my head felt like it weighed about 100 pounds.  So I went to bed.  I tossed and turned all night.  When my alarm went off this morning and I finally crawled out of bed I felt like I had been run over by a truck.  I don't know if it is just my allergy/sinus thing acting up again or if I've caught something.  I really wanted to stay home in bed today, but I figure if it gets worse, I may need a sick day tomorrow or Friday so I went ahead and came to work.  All I want to do is lay my head down on my desk and sleep.  But since that's not really an option I'm just trying to occupy my time until I can go home.  Hopefully I'll get out of here a bit early.

Since all of my thoughts are pretty much consumed with this little thing growing inside me these days, I thought I would add a countdown on my blog so you can all track it with me.  I know none of you have anything better to do with your busy days anyway. ;) 

I've noticed lately that most of the blogs I read are written by women.  There are a few guys out there on my "must read" list, but most of the blogs that I'm really drawn to are women's.  I wonder why this is?  Perhaps they are more interesting.  Perhaps they are easier to read because I can identify with the things they are going through.  Perhaps I'm looking for female companionship that I don't get in real life.  I'm not really sure what it is.  In real life, I tend to have more male friends than female so I think it is odd that most of my online friends and blogging friends are female.  Just an observation.

I have tried to ignore the cravings.  I even tried to tide them over with an orange.  It's just not working.  The secret stash of Chips Ahoy is going to have to come out of the desk drawer.  I can't handle the pressure anymore!

Well, my belly is growing anyway.  In fact it seems to have really grown just in the last couple of days.  It was sticking out before, but today it is VERY noticeable.  The girls at work even said that it looks like it has grown since Friday.  I thought I as just crazy, but they all agreed that it looks bigger.  So, when people ask me what I did this weekend, I just tell them, "I sat around and watched my belly grow."

I also managed to clean most of my house this weekend and amazingly enough hubby was a huge help.  He usually helps a little but he really kicked it up a notch this weekend.  I'm very thankful because I'm not sure I could have done it on my own.  I was past the point of exhaustion about 2/3 of the way through.

I also got to spend some time with my sister and her family this weekend.  The little one is growing like crazy.  I couldn't believe how heavy he felt when I was holding him.  My sister tried to tell me that my baby will be at least that big when it comes out.  She then proceeded to hold him up to my stomach and tried to make me imagine having that inside my belly.  I'm not sure if she was trying to terrify me or what...but I think it may have worked.  I am so scared of having a huge baby.  I just want a nice little 7, maybe 8 pound baby.  I think that would be just perfect.  But, as long as it's not the 16 pound baby that I heard about in the news, I'm sure I'll be just fine.

No matter how bad I'm feeling, whether I'm tired, grumpy, frustrated, or just plain mad, a smile and a hug from this kid instantly cheers me up.  This picture is currently on my desktop at work and whenever I'm feeling irritated I just stop and look at it and it makes me feel better.

I'm ready to go home and get my weekend started.  Well, actually, I'm just ready to go home and take a nap so I have the energy to go out with my friends later.  I'm super bored at work and don't have a thing to do but I'm afraid if I ask to leave early someone will find me plenty of work to do!  I've already caught up on all my blog reading for the day and just don't know what else to do!

I've been a bit bored lately.  Not just bored...more like restless.  I go through these phases from time to time.  When this happens I figure it is time to change something in my life.  So, I picked up the crocheting which has been fun and keeping me busy, but I still just felt the need to do something kinda wild and crazy.  So, last Saturday I went shopping and on a whim picked up a box of hair color.  I brought it home and showed it to my hubby and he kinda freaked out.  He wasn't real big on the idea of me changing my hair color.  And, honestly, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to do it or not.  I'm a very natural kind of girl.  I wear very little make-up (if any at all) and I have never changed my hair color other than a few highlights here and there.  I was a bit nervous about actually doing it.  So, I let the box sit on my bathroom counter for a few days.  For some reason when I was driving home lastnight I decided it was time to do it.  I went home, fixed some dinner, then rushed into the bathroom to color my hair before The O.C. came on.  I had picked out a dark brown color with a reddish tint and wasn't really sure how it was going to come out.  But, when I finally took the towel off my head and showed it to my hubby he decided he liked it.  I have pretty nice natural highlights in my hair and the lighter parts of my hair really seemed to soak up the red color.  The base color is pretty close to my natural color but instead of light brown highlights I now have dark red highlights.  It really looks pretty cool I think.  I planned on posting a pic but I forgot my camera this morning so you'll just have to use your imagination.

The really funny part of it all is that my mom sat here for 20 minutes this morning and didn't even notice until I said something.  Everyone else in the office did notice and I've gotten lots of compliments.  The true test however will be when I see my friends and my sister this weekend.  I know they'll give me very honest opinions on it.

A friend recently introduced me to the Rhapsody music service. I was skeptical at first because I already have about half of my cd collection copied to my computer so I can listen to it at work. I figured I didn't really need to pay to listen to music. But, since they do have a free trial I decided to check it out. Apparently checking it out was a bad idea. After only 2 days I'm totally hooked on it. I can listen to almost anything I want on there...including cds that I just haven't had the money to buy yet. Now I can listen to them without having to buy the cds. I'm still trying to justify the monthly fee, but for only $10 a month to listen to whatever I want instead of the crappy radio stations we have around here, it's not looking like such a bad deal.

I'm trying desperately to avoid walking up to the front of the office.  Amazingly enough my to-do list has almost been completed this week.  There are a couple things on the list that I cannot do yet because I'm still waiting for info and a couple things that are big projects that I'm not ready to start yet.  So, basically, I can actually say that I'm caught up at work.  The reason I'm avoiding the front half of the office is that I know as soon as I walk up there my mother will give me a shitload of her work that needs to be done.  Granted, it is my job to help her out when I have the time, but I'm really enjoying this feeling of accomplishment right now and I don't want it ruined.  I'm trying to stay at my desk the rest of the afternoon so I don't get caught in her trap.  That means no trips to the kitchen, the bathroom, or the fax machine...three places that I frequent pretty often during the day.  Only 2 1/2 more hours to go.  I'm not sure if I can make it.

It is impossible to work while looking at the four boxes of Girl Scout cookies sitting on the corner of my desk and trying not to eat them.  I'm thinking one of them is going to get busted open very, very soon.

You would think after a nice relaxing weekend I would be ready to come to work and get to it.  But...I'm not at all.  It's not even 11:00 yet and I'm so ready to go home.  I haven't done a bit of work yet.  I've spent all morning catching up on blogs and browsing web sites. 

I spent most of my weekend watching movies or football and crocheting.  I made myself a couple of hats, a hat for my new little nephew, and then started on a baby blanket.  I got a couple requests from some friends for hats so I suppose I'll work on those later this week.  My brother-in-law and littlest nephew came over Saturday night to watch football with us which I loved cause I got to take care of the baby for a few hours.  I can't believe how much he has grown already.  I took some pictures of him in the hat I made, but haven't downloaded them to my computer yet, so I'll try to remember to post them later.

One of the movies I saw this weekend was Little Black Book.  I won't ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it, but it really got me thinking about the relationships I maintain with my exes.  I'm one of those people that prefers to maintain a friendship after the break-up.  There are two that I keep in contact with.  I really enjoy keeping in contact with them, but I'm starting to wonder just how good that really is for me.  I'm not ready to change things yet, but it has got me thinking a bit.

And for another totally unrelated subject, hubby has been asking me lately if there's anything special that I want for my birthday.  It's only a few weeks away, and I haven't even really thought about it yet.  Honestly, I can't think of anything I want.  I guess I must be getting older because I'm not in the least bit excited about my birthday this year.  The only thing I can think of that I really want right now would be a weekend getaway but I know we can't afford that right now, so it's pretty much out of the question.  Of course, if he would just clean the house from top to bottom so I didn't have to do it I would give him credit for my birthday and valentine's day!  Now that would be a nice gift!

I'm feeling accomplished today.  I finally finished a project that I have been working on for probably about 6 years now.  When I began this project I was very excited about learning something new and jumped right into it.  I actually probably jumped in a little too quickly without building up the skills I needed ahead of time, but the finished product turned out pretty good.  I got a pretty good start on it at the time, but then got tired of it so I put it away for a while.  Over the years I have pulled it out from time to time and added a little bit here, a little bit there.  But, I just never got motivated to finish it.  This weekend my Grandma was in town visiting and we got to talking because she is working on a similar project right now.  So, I got to thinking...maybe it is time to finish mine up.  I got it out Sunday night and have been working on it every night since then.  Lastnight I finally finished it and I was so excited.  So, here is a picture of it finished.  I taught myself to crochet and actually finished my very first afghan after only 6 years of working on it.

By the way, the color that looks blue in the picture is actually a light grey.  I'm not sure why it looks blue, but it kinda throws it off a bit.

I've been daydreaming a lot today.  I'm dreaming of sunny skies and beaches, mowing the grass, planting my garden, flowers in bloom, sunburns, swimming, summer concerts, picnics in the park, and barbeques with friends.  My list could go on and on...as long as there is sunshine involved! 

Then I look out the window and all I see is dark and gloomy skies, the freezing rain, and ice that has been on the ground for days.  Oh how I wish Spring would hurry up and get here!

My doctor's appointment on Friday went great...if I don't think about the 2 hour wait before I actually got in.  The doc said that the heartbeat sounded good and that everything was going as perfect as could be expected.  After losing a few pounds and then gaining a few back, my net weight gain so far is a whopping one pound.  And...we got to schedule the sonogram for Feb. 9th, the day before my birthday.  I'm so excited!

I'm definitely starting to look and feel more pregnant.  My belly is really starting to stick out.  But, of course it is a good excuse to go shopping!  I went on a mini-shopping spree this weekend and picked up a couple more pairs of maternity pants and some shirts.  I'm finding that my wardrobe is getting awfully limited these days.  I tried on 3 different shirts Friday night before I could find one that fit and didn't look too bad!

Also, this weekend I think hubby and I finally were able to agree on a boy's name.  We still can't agree on a girl's name, but I think we're getting a bit closer.  Hopefully we can make up our minds before the baby comes!  I know we still have plenty of time, but I just want to have it decided.

I've been a little absent from tblog lately.  I'd like to say it's because I've been really busy, but that's just not true.  In fact I haven't been doing much of anything.  There's been a situation at work this week that has been rather stressful.  Basically my boss and his partner are having some major disagreements and depending on how things turn out, my job could be in jeopardy.  My boss assures me that I won't loose my job, but I'm still feeling a little nervous about it.  Fortunately, due to the ice storm we had I was sent home early on Tuesday and got to stay home on Wednesday as well so I didn't have to be here during the worst of the arguments.  It seems things are calming down now, so I guess I'll just have to wait it out and see what happens.

I just found out today that my sister is having some problems with her incision from the c-section.  I'm a little worried about her because when she had the last kiddo, her incision split all the way back open and got infected.  I'm really hoping that she doesn't have problems with that again.  She's been trying to take it really easy, but apparently her body just doesn't heal well from an incision like that.  She's going to call her doctor again today and see if she can get in.  I would just hate to see her have problems like she did last time again.

In baby news, I have a check-up with my doctor today.  I'm rather anxious.  I just like hearing her tell me that everything is giong great.  I'm also hoping that we'll schedule the sonogram today.  I'm 16 weeks now, so my next appointment would be at 20 weeks, which should be far enough along for her to be able to see the things she wants to see (I hope).  I just can't wait to see the baby on the sonogram!

Also, Hubby talked to his mom and dad lastnight and they had told us previously that they still had the crib that the boys used when they were babies and that we could use it.  I've been a little bit nervous about using it because I know that safety regulations have changed quite a bit since then and of course I want my baby to be as safe as possible.  They are suppose to be doing some measurements on it to determine if we can use it or not.  But, when he was talking to them lastnight, they said that if we can't use the one they have that they will buy us a new one.  So, now I know that I definitely don't have to worry about buying a crib because they will make sure that we have one.  I thought that was really sweet of them to offer that.  They are hopefully coming up to visit in March, so one way or another we should have the crib taken care of by then.

Wow, that turned into a bit of a long post, but I think that catches up everything that has been going on in the last few days.  I'm really looking forward to a weekend of relaxing.  My grandma is coming up for a visit this weekend so I'm sure we'll spend some time with her.  Otherwise, I plan on just hanging out at home and enjoying not having to go anywhere!

Well, 2005 is here.  I'm not jumping up and down with excitement.  I've been in a rather mellow mood lately.  I suppose I am looking forward to the new year.  I look forward to the changes that will be happening soon.  I think I'm also feeling a bit scared.  My life is about to be turned upside down and sideways and I wonder if I'm really ready for it.  I keep telling myself that it will be wonderful and I have nothing to be scared of, but the responsibility of having a baby and the changes it will bring are starting to really freak me out.

With that being said, I've decided this year not to make any New Year's resolutions.  All I want for the next year is to be loved, to give my love to others, and to keep my sanity.  If I can accomplish that I think I'll be doing well.

Hubby and I spent New Year's Eve with our best friends and their family.  We had a great time with them as always and it didn't even bother me that much that I couldn't drink anything good.  While everybody else was celebrating with a beer or other alcoholic drink, I was sipping on my Strawberry pop.  It was kinda nice not to have to worry about who was gonna drive home though.

The rest of the weekend hubby and I spent hanging out at home.  We started re-arranging the house a bit and making room for baby.  There is still tons to do, but at least now we have room for the crib and a few other things for the baby.  We did make our way out of the house Saturday night to go to a movie.  We went to church Sunday, then spent the rest of the day napping, watching football and hanging out together.

It was a nice weekend, but it made it that much harder to get up and come to work this morning.  It was a rather busy day, and I'm so ready to get outta here now.