drifting away...

• My allergies-Why is it that every time I plan a trip out of town my allergies flare up and I end up being miserable the whole time I'm gone?
  


• Katrina-I just can't get out of my mind the total devastation that the people down there must be feeling right now.  We're very lucky that all of my hubby's family ended up on the outskirts of the hurricane's path and didn't receive much damage.
  


• Time-There just isn't enough of it.  It is so hard to get the things done that I need to get done.  I'm pretty sure that when I leave work someone is forwarding my clocks at twice the speed they are supposed to be going at.  The time just goes by so fast.  Tonight I have to get all 3 of us packed and ready for our trip to TX, plus take the dog to my sister's which is a 30 minute drive each way.  Between trying to get all of that done, I have to feed Zach, change him, and keep him happy.  Plus, hubby has to work late so I gotta do it all by myself.  I'm never going to get to sleep and really with the way I'm feeling sleeping is about all I want to do.
  


• Work-I just don't want to do it.  I keep trying to find things to distract me from what I should be doing.  My head is hurting and I can't think very well anyway.  It would be a nice day for my boss to tell me to go home early.

Dear Blog,

I want to apologize to you for not being around the last few days.  Seriously, it's not you, it's me.  You see, there is this new version of Moveable Type out that has had me intrigued.  I installed the beta version last week and it worked perfectly, but when I tried to install the final release I had all kinds of problems.  I just couldn't seem to get my mind off of it until I had it all fixed.  I finally got it working right, but then I installed a plug-in that doesn't want to work correctly.  It is consuming all of my extra time right now.  I don't want you to think that I am abandoning you.  I still love you just as much as I ever have, but this is just something I must do for me.  Please forgive me.  I promise I'll be back as soon as I get all the kinks worked out.

Sincerely,
Hardtoimagine

Mondays are so hard sometimes...

I need some help.  I'm a very creative person but I can't draw worth a crap.  I need someone to help me out with an idea I have.  For years now I have always said that when I had children I wanted to get a tattoo with their names in it.  Originally I had wanted a small heart on my hip with the kids' names but now I've changed my mind.  I was thinking about it lastnight and have decided that I want it to be a sun instead of a heart that incorporates Zachary's name in it but also leaves room to add future kid's names to it.  I don't really have a picture of it in my mind, just the idea.  So, if any of you artsy people out there have some free time and feel like giving it a shot, I would really appreciate any help I can get.

I'm not in a big rush to go out and get it, but I would like to start working on the design and get a more clear idea of it in my head.

Tbloggers I really need your help.  Hubby's birthday is coming up next month and I have absolutely no idea what to get him for a gift.  Last year we spent a weekend in St. Louis, went to the Saints/Rams game, and most likely conceived our son.  I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to beat that again.  Typically, I get him something Saints related like a hat or shirt but he's come to expect that so I really don't want to do that again.  He is so hard to buy for because he's very picky.  His only big interests are football, video games (which he doesn't need any more of), and his bass guitar.  I can't think of anything he wants or needs other than a big screen tv and I can't afford something like that.  So, if anyone has any suggestions or ideas please let me know.

We took Zachary to his first Red Sox game Tuesday night. It turned out to be a really nice day to go because it was a bit overcast and much cooler than it has been lately. There was a threat of rain, but it held off. Zach was very interested in his surroundings when we got there. He was looking around at everything. He was particularly fascinated with all the people and the bright lights. Of course, all the people were pretty fascinated with him too. He certainly got a lot of looks and attention.



After about the first 30 minutes or so, Zach decided it was time to go to sleep. He crashed out for almost the entire rest of the game. Apparently, Grandma's lap was pretty comfy because he only woke up a little when it got noisy and then would go right back to sleeping. Finally, towards the end of the game he woke up and decided he was hungry. After he ate, he stayed awake for the rest of the game.



I'm not sure he got a whole lot out of it, other than the people and light watching, but it was fun to take him. Plus I got some great pictures for his scrapbook (when I start working on it).

Tonight Zachary is going to stay at home with Grandma while hubby and I go to the game. I'm hoping that the rain clears up by this afternoon so we don't get wet!

I picked up his pictures at lunch today and I keep looking at them over and over again. It just makes me miss him that much more.

Aliciarose asked for more pictures and I certainly can't deny a request to post more pictures of my baby boy so here you go....







For the rest of the pics you'll have to go to my Flickr page.

I'm not sure where to begin. The last few days have been rather hectic and this week is going to be very busy. It makes me tired just thinking of it.

Zachary, as much as I love the little guy, has been really stressing me out the last few days. All of a sudden, my happy baby boy who just wants to poop and be fed has become cranky. Don't get me wrong, it's not completely horrible (yet) but when you are used to a little angel of a baby and he suddenly turns into a screaming little monster it can be a little disturbing. I think a big part of the problem is that he isn't wanting to sleep. He's very interested in everything around him and he just doesn't want to sleep during the day. The only good part about that is that he is sleeping very good at night and has even slept through the entire night a couple of times now. I'm really hoping that we can get him on a regular napping schedule soon and get him in a better mood.

Other than that, we had a pretty good weekend. We spent Friday evening at my mom's house. We went over there with the intention of swimming, but it decided to start raining on our way there so we ended up ordering a pizza and watching a movie instead. Around 11:00 we packed all the baby stuff up and were going to head home but when we got to the door we realized it was raining so hard that we would all be soaked just trying to get to the car. We turned back around and decided to just stay at my mom's instead of getting wet. We headed home Saturday morning, cleaned up the house a little, then relaxed and watched TV.

Saturday night I also installed the new Moveable Type 3.2 beta version. I installed 3.1 a while back but never really used it much. I really like my tblog blog, but it is getting very frustrating to use. I would really like something that I have a bit more control over. At least with MT I have a way to back up my entries so I'm not worried about losing them. I'm not ready to completely switch over yet, so I may post on both sites for a while. I need some time to play around with MT for a while before I'm ready to give up my other blog. When I'm ready for the switch, I'll be sure to post the new address on tblog so everyone can find me. I would really hate to lose my tblog friends, but I really do think it's about time for a change.

I said earlier that this was going to be a busy week for me. That is because THE RED SOX ARE IN TOWN! The Sox are playing the Royals this week which means that I can actually go see them. It's nice that the Royals are so bad because it makes it really easy to get tickets. Tonight we are taking Zachary and my mom with us. It will be Zach's first Red Sox game and he told me this morning that he's really excited about it. Then, on Thursday, my mom offered to keep Zach so hubby and I can go to the game by ourselves. It will be the first time we've gone out without him (other than work). Both nights should be fun but I'm sure I will be exhausted after staying out late two nights this week. At least I'll have Wednesday to catch up a little in the middle.

Work was pretty busy yesterday and I'm hoping I can find enough to do to keep myself busy today. I've kind of slowed down with the whole job search thing for now. I did put out a couple of resumes and if I hear something back then I'll still consider it, but I've decided that things really aren't so bad here. I'm really enjoying the flexibility that I get here and it also helps that I've been able to leave a little bit early almost every day so I can pick Zach up before the really bad traffic hits. I'm going to stick it out a bit longer and just see what happens.

Zach had a big surprise for us lastnight.  I laid him down to play for a bit on his gym.  When he started getting bored with that, I decided to put him on his tummy for a little bit.  I turned away just for a minute to tell his daddy something and when I turned back around he had rolled over onto his back.  Just to make sure I wasn't seeing things, I put him on his tummy again and watched as he rolled over onto his back for the second time.  I was so excited!  It is so much fun to watch him as he learns all these new things.  And to think, I've been trying to get the dog to roll over for 2 years now and he hasn't figured it out.  Zach managed to get it in less than 8 weeks without any instruction! :o

The only bad thing about this is that now I have to watch him much closer when I lay him down somewhere.  I won't be able to leave him laying on the couch or bed when I need to do things any more.

I am now completely caught up at work with my day-to-day stuff.  All I have left to do are a couple of big organizational projects that needed to be done before I went on maternity leave.  One of those projects is to re-arrange the file cabinets.  Doesn't that sound like fun?  I'm so surprised that no one wanted to take that on while I was gone.  Now I'm back to trying to make myself look busy so my boss will think I have stuff to do.
 
My full-time position should really only be a part-time position.  As things have changed around here I seem to have less and less to do.  Most people would not complain about that, but I really hate being here when I don't have work to do.  The time just drags by and I would much rather be somewhere else doing something fun (like hanging out with my baby boy).  Some days it gets really frustrating.

But, the good news is that it is Thursday and the week is almost over.  Fridays usually aren't too bad and then I have two days at home before I have to come back here.

I found out last week that my baby-sitter is taking a personal day off the Friday before Labor Day weekend to attend a baptism in Wisconsin.  So, I got to thinking that maybe I would just take that Friday off too and have myself a nice 4-day weekend.  Then I got to thinking that a little road trip might be a fun way to spend those 4 days.  I discussed it with my hubby and he managed to get that Friday off too.  We decided that it would be a great opportunity to make the quick trip to Dallas that we've been wanting to do.  Hubby has family there and I have always loved that area.  My family used to go down there at least once a year when I was younger but it has been 10 years now since my last trip.  We have some friends there that were kind of like an extra set of grandparents to my sister and me when we were little.  They aren't doing very well these days and I'm really looking forward to visiting with them, probably for the last time.  Plus, I can't wait to show my baby boy off to everyone down there.  So, in 2 1/2 weeks I'll be back in Texas.  I can't wait!

The weekend went by entirely too quickly.  I did manage to get a lot of things done around the house that were needing attention, but I didn't get nearly enough time snuggling with my baby boy.  I think even if I sat around snuggling with him all day, it still wouldn't be enough to make up for all the time I am missing him during the week.

Zach is getting bigger and doing so much more now.  I think he grew just over the weekend.  He is smiling more and more.  He is discovering his hands and how to use them.  If you dangle a toy in front of him now he will reach out and try to touch it.  It is so fun to watch him. 

There isn't much new going on with me.  I'm going to peruse the job listings again today and see if there is anything interesting to apply for.  I've been thinkng about it a bit too much and now I find myself wanting to back down and just stay here a while longer.  It is kind of nice that no one ever pays any attention to what I'm doing and I can get off work easily whenever I need to.  But, at the same time, it would be nice to have a job that I actually enjoyed.  Plus, there's that whole fear of change thing that I don't deal well with.  I keep thinking if I can find just the right job, it would be worth it.  I guess I'll see what happens.

...to spend all day surfing blogs and forget that I am supposed to be doing a job!  I don't know what I'll do if I get a job where I actually have to work all day.  Speaking of which, I finally got up the guts to apply for a couple of jobs.  I sent my resume off to one this morning and I'm going to try to get the other one out before I leave work today.  I'm still not sure about leaving here, but I figured I might as well see what other offers I can get.  Wish me luck!

Since I chose to breast feed Zach, I have to pump a couple of times every day while I'm at work to provide him milk for the next day at the sitters and to keep myself comfortable.  Today I was running a bit behind schedule and didn't pump when I normally do.  My sister-in-law IM'd me and we were talking about Zach and how he was doing.  All of a sudden my milk let down and I almost soaked through my shirt.  I had to cut her off real quick and go pump so I didn't have two big wet spots.  It's funny how just thinking about him makes my milk let down.  Sometimes the way a woman's body functions just amazes me.

It was much easier to drop Zach off today at the baby-sitter's house.  I didn't even get teary.  I still miss him like crazy though.  Those few evening hours that I get with him now (that have to be shared with his daddy) are just not enough when I'm used to being with him all day.

Work is a little bit easier today as well.  I'm getting back into my normal routine.  I also got a couple more good job leads which has put me in a pretty good mood.  I still feel guilty looking right now since my boss just paid me for 6 weeks at home, but the prospect of something new is starting to sound better and better.  I really like the idea of getting back into the social work area.  I'm looking at a couple of case manager positions which usually have a pretty flexible schedule.

I also found out today that some old friends of mine had a baby boy today.  I used to always be so excited when someone I knew had a baby, but now that I have had my own, it is even more exciting because I understand exactly how emotional of an experience it really is.  I wish them the best of luck and hope that their baby boy brings as much joy and excitement into their lives as Zachary has brought into mine.

I have spent almost all of my workday today reading blogs.  I suppose at some point I should start doing some actual work.

I really had myself convinced that leaving Zach at the baby-sitter's house wouldn't be so hard...up until about 10:00 lastnight.  As we were driving home from my mom's house I started thinking about all the things I needed to get packed up to take with him the tears started flowing.  I got it under control for a while, but when I actually dropped him off the control was gone.  I felt pretty stupid standing there bawling as I handed him over.  I've been a little teary-eyed a couple if times since then, but I've managed to keep it under control so far at the office.

So, I am officially back to work now and it is just as miserable as I remembered it.  This place causes me unbelievable stress.  In less than two hours, my shoulders are already tensed up and I'm counting down the time until I get to leave.  I've been starting to watch the job listings and found one that sounded really great to me.  I'm working on my resume but don't have it quite ready yet. 

I'm still struggling with whether I really want to leave this job or not.  I have a lot of flexibility here that will be hard to find elsewhere.  Plus, I did just get 6 weeks of paid maternity leave that I should try to make up for a bit.  The other issue is that I rent my house from my boss and I'm not too sure if he would kick us out or not if I quit.  We can't really afford to spend any more than what we are spending now and we have very cheap rent there.

I suppose I'll keep thinking about it, get my resume ready, and see what happens.   Maybe I'll get a really good offer and be able to pay more for housing so that won't be such an issue anymore.  I have a lot to think about.

Zachary started smiling this weekend. Well, his first smiles thatwere in response to people or things around him anyway. I tried and tried to catch one on camera, but the picture above was the best I could get.

We tried to have some professional pictures done on Saturday, but as usual, Zach did not want to cooperate. So, we ended up taking some at home instead.



I added a few of my favorite shots to his Flickr set.