drifting away...

Dear Zachary,

When I think of you these days only one word comes to mind.  Amazing.  You amaze me on a daily basis.  Every time I turn around you are doing something that I didn’t know you could do.  You are eight months old today, 2/3 of the way through your first year, and I can’t believe how quickly it has passed.

It has been so much fun to watch you grow and learn this month.  You started crawling last month, but this month you really perfected it.  You can move faster on your hands and knees than I can on my feet most of the time.  We had to invest in some baby gates to keep you confined to the living room.  If I put you down and turn around for even a second you manage to get into something you aren’t supposed to be in.  I decided that you must really like to hear mommy yell because everytime you manage to get into the kitchen you go straight for the cat food bowl and dump it out.  You also have quite a fondness for mommy’s book shelves and computer cord.  They seem to be your favorite toys.

When you aren’t crawling around wreaking havoc, you are usually pulling yourself up and reaching for things that I thought would be far out of your reach for some time yet.  It is officially time for all of my pretty stuff to be put away, as well as anything else that falls below the three foot level that you can get your hands on.  Pretty much anything that you can touch will end up either in your mouth or on the floor.  The word “no” is becoming much more frequent in my vocabulary and I think you are starting to learn what it means even though you usually just turn around and laugh when I say it.

With Alicia’s help at day care you are finally taking more consistent naps and going to bed much easier.  Instead of nursing and rocking you to sleep, I now just have to put you in bed, turn on the mobile and in about two minutes you are asleep.  Sometimes you cry a little bit, but the last few days you haven’t even cried when I put you down. 

I still haven’t figured out how to get you to sleep through the night though.  It will seem like you are making some progress, sleeping 5-6 hours before you wake up, and then you’ll start waking up every two hours again.  You did sleep all the way through the night one night.  I woke up in a panic at 6:30 in the morning because I hadn’t heard from you all night.  Just so I didn’t worry too much you woke me up at least once every hour the next night.  I can’t even tell you how much I appreciated that.  I’m not sure what I did right that one night that you decided to sleep, but if you could clue me in that would be great.

The other area where you have me completely flabergasted is when it comes to food.  You have always been a very good eater since you started on foods.  I recently started giving you some soft table foods and finger foods.  You really seem to enjoy feeding yourself.  You have become a lot more coordinated over the last few weeks and whatever is in your hand almost always gets to your mouth now.  You are also finally figuring out how to drink from a sippy cup.  What I can’t figure out is that sometimes you want to feed yourself and other times you get mad when I don’t spoon feed you every bite.  Sometimes you just don’t want to eat at all, which I really don’t understand because I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that feeling of not wanting to eat.  Momma and Daddy love to eat and we just assumed that you had inherited that from us. 

Some of your favorite foods that we have discovered are spagetti and meat sauce, goldfish, Gerber veggie crackers, mashed potatoes, broccoli, and pretty much any kind of fruit.  You have grown really tired of eating oatmeal for breakfast so we started exploring some other options.  Your favorite breakfast these days consists of Cheerios and about 1/3 of a banana.  You love it and it makes it much easier on me because you can feed yourself.

You really seem to enjoy learning about your mouth and all of the fun things it will do.  You started clicking your tongue last week and laugh whenever someone clicks back at you.  You also have started to smack your lips together like you are kissing which I find to be absolutely adorable.

I haven’t mentioned it yet because I wanted to save the best for last, but my heart totally and completely melted when you finally started saying “Mama” last week.  You started saying “Dada” just before Christmas.  Then somewhere along the way you figured out how to say “bubba,” then “Mama,” and just in the last few days you are working on “nana.”  You seem to really know what Dada and Mama mean and when you get mad you usually scream “Mamamamamamamamama ” which is ok, but could you please yell at Dada a little bit too?  I’m sure it can’t always be my fault!

I still can’t believe how fast you are growing.  At 8 months old you are already wearing 18 months size in clothes.  You weigh 22 pounds now and have definitely surpassed your cousin Ryan who is almost 7 months older than you.  People are always surprised when I tell them how old you really are.

Daddy and I have been talking lately about how we wish we could have another tiny little baby to hold.  You are growing up so fast and we already miss those days when you would just cuddle up in our arms and sleep for hours.  Each day with you now is a completely new experience.  You are constantly changing and it is so much fun to watch.  I am so proud of you and everything you have accomplished already.  You are truly my inspiration for everything these days.  I love you so very, very much.

Love,
Mama

Well, it turns out that there may be some changes happening here at this place that pays my bills.  Hopefully these will be good changes that will make my stay here a little bit more bearable.  One of these changes may include...drumroll please...an OFFICE with a DOOR!  That would be so great.  I am currently tucked back in a corner, but in a very open area with no door.  I hear pretty much everything that happens in the office and have absolutely no privacy whatsoever.

The other thing that *may* happen, although I'm not holding my breath, is that we work from the office only a half of the day and then work from home the other half.  That would be wonderful for me because I could be at home with Zach more and cut my day care costs down a little.  Now that he is napping pretty consistenly and can play more independently I should be able to still get some work done and if he had a particularly bad day I could finish my work up in the evening after hubby gets home.  I'm hoping and praying and crossing my fingers that the boss-man will decide to let us do this.  He wasn't opposed to the idea, but not completely convinced either.  But, the idea has been planted at least.

It will be a while yet before any decisions are made, but I'm hoping at least by the end of March we'll know something.  Our lease for the space we're in ends in May, so probably nothing would happen until then but it at least gives me something to look forward to.

• I do my best writing in my head during my drive to work in the mornings.  My head is not clouded with all of the happenings of the day.  I am actually alone.  I can choose to have silence or listen to music.  What I do in my car usually sets the mood for the day.  Most of the things I write about here come from my thoughts during my drive.  The only problem is that 9 times out of 10 they are forgotten before I have a chance to write them out.
  
• Hubby was watching a movie the other day where a woman gave birth and they showed her holding her newborn right after.  He said that it almost made him want to have another one already to remember what it felt like to hold your baby for the first time.  For the rest of the night I could think of nothing but those first few days with Zach and how wonderful it felt to hold him in my arms.  I wonder if it will feel the same when we have a second child as it felt with the first.  The original plan was to start trying for number 2 when Zach is about a year old, but now we're thinking we might have to hold off until the finances are in better shape.  If it weren't for day care costs there would be no issue.  I desperately wish I could figure out a way to work from home and still pay the bills.
  
• Work has been stacking up lately and I just can't motivate myself to get anything done.  I can complete a little project here and there, but it seems like when I need to work on the big projects I just freeze up.  I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I just don't want to be here.  I have thought and thought and thought about looking for a new job, but it just doesn't make any sense for me to leave.  A new job would almost definitely mean a cut in pay and probably a huge cut in benefits and I just can't afford to do that right now.  Everything that I am finding that I could qualify for is at least $5000 less a year than what I'm making and that just won't work.  I feel so stuck.  But, at least I know my baby will eat and have diapers.
  
• Drinking almost a 1/2 gallon of tea before 10:30 in the morning is not such a good idea.  I think there will be a path on the carpet between my desk and the restroom by the end of the day.
  
• In the very little amount of free time I have I've been working on my personal web site, which I might have mentioned before.  I'm trying to switch over to running the entire site on WordPress, which means I really have to learn some php.  Hubby got me a couple of books on php for my birthday and every time I start trying to read them I start falling asleep.  The content isn't really that boring for a geek like me, but it's hard to read when you aren't getting any sleep.  I went ahead and used a pre-made template for the blog layout to speed things up, but I really want to be able to do some editing on it and add a couple of new pages. 

There was a time in my life when sitting at home on a Saturday was about the worst thing I could think of.  I would always try to find something to do.  If nothing else, I would go shopping, go to a movie, or at least go out for dinner.  Somewhere along the way, my priorities totally changed.  My weekends are so busy anymore that I rarely ever have a chance to stay home on Saturdays.  But, somehow, the planets aligned just right this weekend and I actually stayed home for a whole entire day.

That may not seem like such a big deal to most people.  But, if you are still kind of a new mom who has a 9-5 job during the week, a family to feed, diapers to buy, a baby to take care of who is starting to have a little separation anxiety, a husband who hates (and pretty much refuses) to run errands (unless it involves food, but not grocery shopping), and are desperately trying to hold on to the small semblance of the social life you used to have, it is a big deal.  There is always something I have to do or somewhere I have to go on the weekends.  I have to really schedule things right in order to have a whole day at home.

Friday night we did our obligatory night at our friends' house so that the boys could jam on their guitars and M and I could have our girl-talk time.  I was a little squeamish having Zach over there because their youngest had been sick all week, but they promised that the whole house had been covered in Lysol before we arrived and that the sick one was quarantined to her bedroom for the night.  But, so far, we have no signs of illness so I'm pretty sure he's ok.  Plus, I really enjoyed the girl-talk time. 

Saturday, as I might have mentioned, we stayed home.  I did send Hubby out to pick up some lunch (because I pushed grocery shopping to Sunday and there was very little food in our house).  Hubby even got up with the baby and let me sleep in until 9:30!  Since Zach is finally old enough that he can entertain himself for a while, I sat down with my computers (yes, I was using 2 at the same time) and worked on my personal website on my laptop while I worked on ripping my cd's to my desktop (so that hopefully sometime in this century I will finally get some music on that mp3 player that Hubby got me).  The website is coming along nicely, but I'm pretty sure it will take me another year or so to finish with all the cd's if I don't run out of hard drive space.  Around 5:30 I put away the computers, fixed some dinner, got Zach settled in for the night and then sat down with Hubby to watch a movie. 

All-in-all it was a very nice day for me.  But the best part happened that night.  Zach slept ALL NIGHT LONG.  I woke up at 6:30 Sunday morning panicking because he hadn't woken up yet.  I totally had myself convinced that there was something wrong with him but I was too afraid to go check.  After laying there for about 20 minutes with my heart racing, I finally heard a little cry in the baby monitor and jumped up to go rescue him.

Sunday was a pretty normal day for us, except that I had pushed back the grocery shopping and diaper/formula/baby food shopping trip so I still had those to do.  We stayed at my dad's house much longer than usual after lunch because Zach fell asleep just as we were about to leave and since he hadn't had a morning nap I didn't want to wake him up.  By the time we left there and I did my two shopping trips, it was almost 7:00.  Then I still had to go home, unload the car, put everything away, fix dinner, do dishes, give Zach a bath, and do some laundry before bed time.  Needless to say it was a pretty hectic evening.  So, of course, when I finally got to bed, Zach decided he was ready to wake up.  I had high hopes that he would sleep through the night again but it didn't happen.  He was awake about every 2 hours all night long.  I'm feeling a bit like a zombie today.  Too bad my boss didn't give us the day off for President's Day.

Sometimes you just don't know how things are going to hit you.  I headed home lastnight as usual, picked Zach up from day care, drove home, went inside, and started getting ready for dinner.  I put Zach in the highchair with some snacks while I got his food ready.  I was talking and playing with him as I moved around the kitchen and stopped by to give him a little kiss on the cheek.  As I turned away from his chair, he belted out "Mama!" 

I turned back around to see him and he proceeded to yell out "Mamamamamamamamama! "  Seriously, the kid has been saying "Dada" since Christmas and I was getting a little tired of it all.  He did say "Mama" a couple of weeks ago, but I think it was purely an experiment with sounds.  This time, he knew what he was saying. 

I know they say that babies don't associate words and meanings, but my kid is smart and he knows what he's saying.  When Hubby walks into the room he says "Dada" and this morning every time I walked away from him he would say "Mama". 

Do you have any idea how hard it is not to just swoop him up and smother him in kisses when he calls out to me?  Maybe I'm making a big deal out of it, but every time I hear him say it, it just makes my heart melt.  It is so nice that he now has a word to use instead of crying when he wants me!

Miniature Distasters - KT Tunstall
 
I don't want to be second best
Don't want to stand in line
Don't want to fall behind
Don't want to get caught out
Don't want to do without
And the lesson I must learn
Is that I've got to wait my turn

Looks like I got to be hot and cold
I got to be taught and told
Got to be good as gold
But perfectly honest
I think it would be good for me
Coz it's a hindrance to my health
I'm a stranger to myself

Miniature disasters and minor catastrophoes
Bring me to my knees
Well I must be my own master
Or a miniature disaster will be
It will be the death of me

I don't have to raise my voice
Don't have to be underhand
Just got to understand
That it's gonna be up and down
It's gonna be lost and found
And I can't take to the sky
Before I like it on the ground

And i need to be patient
And i need to be brave
Need to discover
How i need to behave
And I'll find out the answers
When i know what to ask
But i speak a different language
And everybody's speaking too fast

Miniature disasters and minor catastrophoes
Bring me to my knees

Well I must be my own master
I've got to run a little faster
I need to know I'll last if a little
Miniature disaster hits me
It could be the death of me

Yesterday was not a good day for my diet.  After all of the eating out, drinking, cheesecake, and birthday celebrations last week, I really had good intentions of sticking to it this week. 

I started out Monday determined to stick very strictly to the diet and did well.  In fact, I came in one point shy of my total daily allotment.  Even watching the hubby eat his Valentine's day chocolates didn't deter me.  Tuesday, however, was a different story.

I got up Tuesday with the same determination to eat right.  I had my 2 points bowl of oatmeal for breakfast.  By 10:00 I was starving and those mean little guys that live in my stomach were totally bitching me out for not giving them a little something to munch on until lunchtime.  I finally gave in and had a few mini rice cakes for 1 point.  Then came the problem. 

I walked into the break room to grab a Diet Coke out of the fridge thinking it would help fill my tummy for a bit.  Sitting there on the table was a nice little tupperware container just begging to be opened.  It was there the day before, but I managed to resist the temptation.  I just didn't have the willpower to resist it again.  I opened it up to find the most delicious looking heart-shaped sugar cookies...with frosting.  I might have been able to turn away if it weren't for the fact that the same co-worker brings these in every year and I know that they are pure heaven.  So, I decided to have half of a cookie.  Couldn't be too bad right?  Wrong.  After I finished off the first half, I had to go back for the second half.  I had a salad for lunch and I was good for the rest of the afternoon except for the one little piece of chocolate that somehow managed to find its way to my mouth.

I figured even though I had messed up a little bit, I could watch what I ate for dinner and even it out a bit.  Well, that didn't work out so well.  When I got home, Hubby was in the kitchen working on dinner.  Guess what he was cooking?  Spagetti.  One of my favorite meals.  There are two things that really kill my diet.  One is pizza.  The other is spagetti.  When it comes to those two foods, there is no such thing as portion control for me.  I just can't do it.  So, I ate way more than I should have and just set myself back another day on my diet.

At this point I'm just hoping that I can break even with the weight that I was two weeks ago--before the funeral, the traveling, eating out, and birthdays.  I'm really angry with myself for losing control when I was doing so well.  At least there are no more birthdays coming up in my family until April and no major holidays for a while so I can get back on track.

The good news is that the new jeans I just bought on Sunday are feeling a little loose today.  And, my awesome friend Amy sent me an Old Navy gift card for my birthday so I can go buy more new clothes (Thank You!!).  I think I may hold onto it until I drop another size though.

(Actually posted yesterday, Feb 13th.  I just forgot to copy it here.)

Whew!  This was one busy weekend.  Of course, that was pretty much my fault as I scheduled too many things in too short of a time period.  Friday I celebrated my 28th birthday.  I still can't figure out why I seem to feel so much older this year than last year, but I do.  Hubby came home Thursday night with a gift for me.  He absolutely cannot wait when he buys me something.  He tried to wait for Friday morning, but ended up giving in and letting me have it Thursday night anyway.  I had already gotten the three books that I ever so slyly hinted that I wanted (turns out those Amazon wish lists do come in handy).  So, he hid my gift behind his back (because he never wraps them) while I opened my card and then handed me a brand spankin' new mp3 player.  I was a little irritated that he spent so much money, but I've been wanting one for a long time now, so I was thrilled that he got me one.  Hey, at least he told me he got it on clearance so I felt a little better.

Friday morning I got up and headed off to work.  My mom stopped and picked up donuts and bagels for breakfast in honor of my birthday.  I worked my butt off Friday morning trying to get things finished up so I could be home by 2:00.  My boss had an appraiser coming by the house and I had to be there to meet him.  About 5 minutes before I had to leave, as I was rushing around trying to get everything done, I got called up to the front desk.  Much to my surprise, hubby had also sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  I was a bit shocked as he's not really the flower type.  In my rush to get home, I forgot to call him, which made him a bit mad.  It's not like I didn't appreciate them.  I just didn't have a chance to call.  By the time I got home, the appraiser was already there waiting for me.

Once the appraiser left, I spent a little time playing around with my mp3 player and then took a nice long hot shower.  After my shower, I got dressed, fixed my hair, and actually put on some make-up in preparation for the big night.  Hubby got home and offered to go pick Zach up from day care (the first time he has EVER done that!).  I fed Zach, gave him a quick bath, and then loaded him up in the car and headed to my sister's house. 

After we got all the kids settled in with my mom, we headed out for the night.  We went to a local bar & grill that turns into a bar/dance club after 10:00.  We had appetizers, dinner, and lots of drinks while we waited for everyone else to arrive.  I got a couple of really cute shirts and some candles from my best friend and a couple of cards.  Once everyone was there, we partied it up and had a really good time.  I ended up doing a couple of shots that I really shouldn't have.  My stomach started feeling pretty bad so I had to shut it off early.  I was a little bummed because I had planned on becoming completely stupid and drunk and didn't even get close.  But, I had a great time hanging out with my friends regardless.  I rather enjoyed all the attention being on me, which is totally out of character for me.

After the partying ended, we went back to my sister's house and spent the night there.  Fortunately, Zach was very cooperative and slept pretty well until about 7:00 on Saturday morning.  Hubby grumbled about it, but got up with the baby and let me sleep for a couple more hours.  Too bad he was the one with the hangover and not me!  We spent most of the day there watching movies and just hanging out. 

When we left my sister's house, we headed straight over to my best friend's house.  Her 16-year old was going to his first high school dance with his girlfriend and I promised I would come over and take some pics with my digital camera before they left.  I was amazed at how emotional I got when I saw the kids all dressed up and ready to go out.  We are really close with their family and I have watched the kids grow up over the last 4 1/2 years or so.  I almost felt like it was my own kid going off to his first dance, all dressed up.  I was even nervous for him, hoping that everything went smoothly (which I found out later it did).

Sunday we did our usual church and dinner at my dad's house.  Then I dropped Zach and hubby off at the house while I went to do a little quick shopping.  I got home in time to have 1/2 hour to clean up and do some dishes before we rushed off again for a birthday dinner with my mom, my brother and his wife, and my sister's family.  We went to the Cheesecake Factory which is one of my favorite special occasions restaurants (because I can't afford to go there very often).  Dinner was wonderful.  I stuffed myself royally.  By the time we got home, we pretty much all just fell into bed.

Today, I've been trying to recover from all of the chaos.  I didn't sleep well lastnight and it was very hard to get up this morning.  Plus, Zach's schedule is so screwed up from all the weekend festivities that he was very crabby this morning, making it even harder for me to get around.  I just wanna go home, snuggle with my boy, and take a nap!

Boss:  "Hi, how are you?"
Me: "Good, and you?"
Boss:  "Good.  So tomorrow is your birthday."
Me: "Yep, it is."
Boss:  "Well, I wanted to give you this in case I don't see you tomorrow. (holding out envelope) I was going to get you a gift bond, but thought maybe you could use this now.
Me: (opening envelope to find a crisp $100 bill inside) "Wow, thank you so much.  I can definitely use this!"
Boss:  "You're welcome.  I hope you have a good day tomorrow.  See ya."

I was pretty much in shock.  This will be the 5th birthday I've had since I started working here and he has barely even acknowledged any of them previously.  But, it was very thoughtful.  Every time I get really serious about trying to leave and find another job he does something like this that makes me want to stay.

The last few days have been a bit of a blur.  There was so much going on and everything moved so quickly that I barely had a moment to stop and take a breath.  Here are some of the highlights:

• Friday night, as a release from all the stress of the week, I totally gorged myself on pizza and completely ruined any dieting I had done all week long.  Then I sat back and tried to relax by watching a movie.
• Saturday I spent most of the day running errands and preparing for our trip out of town.  Then my sis and her family came over to visit.
• Sunday was the Super Bowl.  We decided that we should go ahead and have our Super Bowl party as planned.  Once again, I ruined the diet.  But, we had a pretty good time and my brother-in-law was very happy to see the Steelers win.  Plus, my cousin and his wife who had just flown in from Virginia came over which was nice.
• Monday morning I got up early so I could take the dog to the kennel, pack, and get everything ready to leave.  We finally got out of town around 2:00, drove to Springfield and checked into the hotel.
• We then met all of the family for dinner (where I again ruined my diet).  I got to see some of my cousins that I haven't seen in years.  It was nice to get to visit with them.  It was the first time in probably 10-15 years that we have all been together.
• Tuesday morning was the funeral.  I was rather disappointed with how the service was handled.  It was all very generic, with very little personalization.
• After the funeral, there was a luncheon for the family.  Then we all loaded up and headed back to KC.  We met up again for dinner with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins one last time before they fly back home.

And now, here I am back at work, trying to get back in the swing of things.  I would much rather be at home in bed trying to catch up on some sleep.  I'm glad I have a short week, but I really need to be well rested by Friday so I'm not a party pooper at my own party!

My Grandfather passed away lastnight.  I got the phone call at 11:38 p.m.  It wasn't shocking news, but waking from a dead sleep I was rather slow to react.  He just turned 86 years old in December.  We knew it was coming.  He has been going downhill for quite a while now but just in the last couple of weeks we found out his kidneys were failing.  He was taken to the hospital because he became dehydrated and we found out he also had pneumonia.  He returned to his nursing home last Friday but was only expected to make it a few more weeks. 

My uncle and his kids made plans to come in from Virginia to visit him one last time.  Their flight was for next Friday.  It is sad that they didn't get a chance to see him, although seeing him in the condition he was in may not have left a very good memory.

I don't know yet when funeral services will be, but I'm guessing it will be Monday.  Maybe Tuesday if my uncle can make it in.  I'm really hoping for Tuesday as Monday is my mom's birthday.  Even though he was my Dad's father, my mom was very close to my Grandpa and continued to visit him even after she and my dad split up a few years ago.  His death is probably harder on her than on me.

Even though I am sad, in a strange way I also feel relief.  My Grandpa was ready to go.  He's been begging God for years to just go ahead and take him.  He just was not happy sitting around the nursing home in a wheelchair all day.  He never liked to sit still.  He always had some kind of project he was working on.  A few years ago he had a pretty bad stroke and then a series of small strokes that followed and he lost most of the use of his hands and his ability to read and write.  There really just wasn't much he could do besides sit and stare at the tv all day and that just didn't satisfy him.

When I was in college I did a project for my geriatrics class where we had to choose an older family member and interview them about their life.  I chose my grandpa.  I video taped the interview and created a scrapbook of pictures that covered most of his life.  I learned a lot about my Grandpa that day.  You see, we were never very close.  I was extremely close with my grandma when I was younger.  She died when I was only ten and after that I had a very difficult time being around my grandpa.  So, I really didn't know very much about him.  After the interview, I felt much closer to him.  Now, I have the urge to pull out that video and watch it.  I want to remember him the way he was then, before the stroke and the old age snuck in and changed him.

I really don't know how to feel right now.  I am sad that he is gone.  Yet, at the same time, I am happy that he no longer has to suffer.  I know he is going to a better place.  I don't really know what happens to you when you die, but I hope that his spirit will once again be with my Grandma and my uncle who passed before him.

Hot Apple Pie. Doesn't that just make your mouth water? A little vanilla ice cream on top for me please! Well, sorry I'm talking about the band, not the actual pie. Although, lead singer Brady Seals is quite yummy if you ask me. Apparently, they have been around for a while. So why in the heck did I just find out about them? Ok, I guess I didn't just find out about them. I was introduced to them right after Christmas when my friend Amy was visiting. She popped them into the cd player one day. I wasn't completely impressed with them right away, but hubby actually liked them which is very unusual considering he hates country music. For me they were just kind of okay, but had some catchy tunes.

Well, since then I've been carrying the cd around in the car with me and I have become totally hooked. I can sing every word of "Easy Does It" by heart although you wouldn't want to hear it because it's slightly out of my range in a couple spots. Zach hears it quite frequently though as it has become one of his favorite lullabyes. Then of course there is "The Good Life" which is constantly stuck in my head so I go around singing all day "I wanna ride the waves, tan my skin, dance with a girl I'll never see again, and get tattooed." In a weird way it reminds me of my trips to Florida with Amy. What I wouldn't give for another one of those now! Pretty much every song on the cd has been my favorite at some point in the last few weeks.

I've been meaning to look the band up online for quite a while now but just finally got the chance today (once again that whole lack of time issue comes in). So, as I was reading their bio I was amazed to discover that each member has quite a background in music. I was delighted to find that Brady Seals was once part of Little Texas and co-wrote some of my all-time favorites "God Blessed Texas" and "What Might Have Been". The others have been involved with some equally talented musicians and bands. If you pooled them all together the list is actually quite impressive. I guess that is why it works though. They are all very talented at what they do.

My point is, if you haven't heard them, or even heard of them, you should check them out. Even if you aren't a big fan of country music (like my hubby) there may be something there that sparks your interest. If you're real lucky, they'll get stuck in your head like they are in mine.

Now, where's that slice of apple pie I asked for?

I'm totally done feeling sorry for myself...for today anyway. This makes me feel much better.

Sometimes I feel like I need to sit down and blog just to relieve stress.  When I first got into blogging I wasn't really sure what I would do with it.  I had heard of blogging and visited a few of the free blogging sites but just didn't know if I would ever really use it or not.  When I finally decided to start a blog of my own I struggled with what to write.  Now, my struggle is what not to write.  It seems like every time something happens in my life I want to sit down and write about it.  Blogging is my release.  I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that I would depend on it so much.

That being said, now it is time to let go.

Do you ever feel like everything is pushing on you at once and that eventually you are just going to explode?  That's how I've been feeling the last couple of days.  Hubby and I have once again gotten ourselves into a nice financial crunch.  Unfortunately, he's pretty much blaming it on me this time.  Finances have been tight since we had Zach, but we have been getting by.  Day care and diapers are expensive, but we already knew that.  Where I screwed up was with my witholdings from my paycheck.  When I was pregnant I changed my witholdings based on the fact that we would be able to claim Zach this year.  I figured our taxes this weekend and our federal came out just fine with a pretty decent refund.  But, our state did not come out so well.  Turns out we owe quite a bit that we weren't expecting to pay and we don't have it.  I know we have until April to pay it, but there is no extra to save back.  Our federal refund was already reserved to pay our city taxes (quite a big chunk) and our property taxes.  So, basically, we're kinda screwed right now.

If I wanted to be responsible, I would cancel all of the birthday festivities that I have planned and save that money for the taxes, but I'm being very selfish.  I NEED to celebrate my birthday this year and have a day that is all about me.  But, after the birthday celebration, that's it.  No more spending money.

Besides the money issue, there is the lack of time.  I know I've gone on and on about this but seriously, something has to let up somewhere.  I have to find some extra time somehow.  Sometimes I just feel like everyone wants something from me and I just can't give any more.  Work has been absolutely crazy and me staying home on Monday didn't help that.  I've got web sites that I have promised to do that I can't even find the time to look at.  Then, there is my Grandpa.  He is very sick and it is looking like he will only make it a few more days.  Even though he lives only a few miles from me, I can't find the time to go visit him.  By the time I get off of work at night, it is too late to go visit him.  That breaks my heart.

Then of course there is the I-hate-my-job-I-want-to-w ork-from-home issue.  I had such a good day at home with Zach on Monday that it is making work even harder this week.  Plus, his day care provider just accepted another baby that is only 5 1/2 months old, plus her sister who is 2 (maybe 3).  That, once again, means less attention for Zach and I'm not really thrilled with that.  The last couple of weeks there have been much better, but the two little girls started today and I'm a little worried about how that is all going to work.  I still want to look for a back-up day care, but the financial and time issues are really holding me back on that one.

On a good note, I did go get my hair cut last week.  My mom decided to pay for it for my birthday present.  It is really short, but I think it's cute.  Plus, it is super easy to fix in the morning which really helps.  Once my nasty eye infection goes away, maybe I'll post a picture.