I'm Flaky
Hubby just called to tell me that he's off work early and to see if I was going to get off early. I was actually wanting to get off early, but now that I know he's home I'd rather stay at work. We got into it again lastnight and I really don't feel like talking to him. He got called out for work so we didn't really finish our
Things are happening at work. From what I understand my boss folded under the pressure and gave in to the things his partner is wanting. That pretty much means that my job is going to suck even more ass than it does now. Yippee! It also looks like the options of where we are moving our office to are narrowing down a bit. We are most likely going to at least stay in the same office park instead of moving across town. Works for me. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. I just hope I get an actual office. Then I can close my door, turn my music up, and try to forget the world around me.
The good news is that Tuesday is May 2nd. Do you remember what May 2nd is? PEARL JAM day! The cd is finally coming out. Not only is Pearl Jam releasing their cd, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers are also releasing a new cd that day, as well as Tool. I already have the Tool cd, so I'm not too concerned about that one, but I'm super pumped up about Pearl Jam and RHCP. I won't be able to purchase the RHCP cd probably for a while, but at least I can listen to in online until I can afford the cd. But, new music! Yeah! I'm excited!
I'm also kind of excited because we got invited to a little get-together at Zach's baby-sitter's house this weekend. She and I have gotten to be pretty good friends and have been talking about getting together socially for a while but just haven't ever done it. We finally decided to do it this weekend and invited another day care parent couple over to join us as well (I'm totally in love with their 18-month-old son). We planned a barbeque, but now it is supposed to rain all weekend so we decided to do Mexican food inside instead. It should be fun. I'm actually looking forward to spending some time with some new people and maybe making some new friends.
10 Months
Dear Zachary,
I cannot believe that you are already 10 months old. You are quickly reaching that one-year mark and it is going by entirely too quickly in my opinion. Every day I watch you grow more and more independent and I am so proud of you. It is so amazing to see you develop into a little person. It is absolutely the best gift I’ve ever been given.
I thought that you were moving fast before, but you have become even more mobile over the last few weeks. Daddy and I can barely keep up with you anymore. Besides the crawling at the speed of light, you are now cruising around the room with your hands barely touching the furniture. Sometimes you even let go completely and stand for a few seconds before landing on your butt. As soon as you figure out that balance thing, I’m sure you will be walking on your own.
Besides the crawling and cruising, you have also started climbing on everything. We have caught you climbing up on your rocking chair, climbing on and through the bottom shelf of the end table, along with using various toys as steps to reach objects that you aren’t supposed to be able to reach. Then, last weekend at the park, you showed me that you already know how to climb stairs. I guess you just applied your furniture crawling techniques to the steps. I put you on the steps leading up to the slide and you started climbing right up with no hesitation whatsoever. We have never turned you loose on the stairs at home and to my knowledge that was the first chance you ever had to try them out.
When you actually stop moving long enough, you like to use those four teeth of yours to bite everything in sight. Soon you should be gnawing through almost anything because you have another four teeth quickly on the way. You stuff absolutely everything in your mouth, including strings, fuzz, and various other things you might find on the floor. You are eating mostly table foods now, but every once in a while you refuse to eat so I feed you a jar of mushy baby food and you scarf down every bite. I guess it must taste better than the dog and cat food that you keep trying to sample when you get loose in the kitchen.
A few weeks ago we started giving you a little bit of whole milk and gradually increasing the amount. You are now completely switched over to milk during the day. I’m still giving you some formula when you wake up in the morning and just before you go to bed at night, but soon we will be cutting those out as well. Before long, my baby will be gone and in his place I will have a big boy who eats regular food, drinks regular milk, and walks all over the place on his own.
You are growing up so fast that I can barely keep up, much less remember all the details that I want to treasure forever. Each time I sit down to write you a letter I wonder if I am leaving out something important. I do know I’ll never forget that ornery smile you give me where you wrinkle up your nose, stick out your teeth, and scrunch up one eye. I know that’s not a very good description, but every time you do it I can’t help but smile back. Your little grin lights up the room and Mama’s heart.
Love,
Mama
Looking Like a Lobster
We had a really great weekend, followed up by a not so great Monday. I ended up getting sick and staying home on Monday. Normally, that would have been great, but Zach decided that he did not want want to nap and instead, would sit around shrieking all afternoon while mommy wanted some peace and quiet. Had I known he was going to do that all afternoon, I so would have gotten dressed and taken him to day care. I figured I could handle keeping him at home because he is normally the world's easiest baby to take care of. I guess I should have known better. Saturday, we went up to Platte City to watch my nephew play his last two soccer games of the season. They always have a "tournament" on the last day and serve free hot dogs and chips. I put Zach in the stroller with a shade over the top so he wouldn't get too much sun. Apparently, he wasn't completely shaded like I thought he was. He got a little bit of a sunburn on his face and his legs and is now sporting a totally sexy sock line. Yes, I did have sunscreen with me. No, I didn't put any on him. I really thought that he was totally shaded. I honestly don't know how he got burnt. It wasn't a bad burn at all--just slightly pink-- but I felt really bad about it. At least he wasn't completely fried like I was. You would think after 28 years of having pale white-as-a-sheet skin I would learn to put sunscreen on. I'm still hurting.
On Sunday, my dad had other obligations so we didn't have our normal Sunday dinner at his house. Instead,my sister and I decided to pack a picnic lunch and take the boys to Penguin Park to play for a while. You know, I needed a little more sun on my crispy skin. I did at least put the sunscreen on both Zach and myself so we didn't burn more. Zach had his first peanut butter and jelly sandwich and seemed to really enjoy it. After we finished eating, we went over to the baby area of the park and let the little ones play for a while. Zach absolutely loved the swings. Then I took him over to try out the slides. I was amazed to see him crawl right up the steps to the slide. He has never been on stairs before and he figured out right away how to get up them. 
The little guys tired out pretty quickly, so we went over to the older kid area so my other nephew could play for a bit. I took the two babies and sat them in one of the play cars that was there to take a couple of pictures. When I looked over at Zach, he was falling asleep sitting up. We decided we better get headed home. Zach completely crashed in the car on the way home and didn't even wake up when I got him out of his carseat. I decided I needed a nap too, so while he was sleeping I went and laid down and took a 2 hour long nap before Zach woke me up. It was absolutely heavenly!
Other than a quick trip to the grocery store, we had a pretty relaxing evening on Sunday. I even managed to FINALLY finish the book I was reading!
I realized again this weekend how blessed I am to have my family so close and to get to spend so much time with them. Sometimes I get tired of always being on the move and doing so much on the weekends, but I love the time I spend with my family.
I need an intervention
Recently I have been adding a lot of new blogs to my blogroll (my personal bookmarks, not the list on this site cause I can't seem to keep up with it). The list has been growing so quickly that I can barely keep up with my daily reads anymore. I have to make a choice every day which ones I am going to read and which ones I am going to skip. That is a very difficult decision.
Finding new blogs has become an addiction with me. I go to read my regulars and then I find links either in the posts or in the comments and I just can't keep from clicking on them. Sometimes I'm not real impressed with the content and click the little red x, but sometimes I get totally absorbed in the new site and add it to the blogroll. That has been happening a lot lately. And that is why my list is getting so long. There are just way too many talented writers out there and I cannot say no.
Just a few weeks ago I went through and cleaned out my list. There were a few that were no longer updating or that had simply lost my interest that I was able to remove. The list was much shorter and much more manageable. Then yesterday I started really looking at the list again and it is even longer now than it was before the clean-up. Will somebody please send help? This might explain why it has now taken me 10 months to read a real book (that I'm not quite finished with yet).
And, in other addiction news, I have found a new source to feed my music addiction. It turns out that the new girl in the office has rather good taste in music and a rather decent sized cd collection as well. She loaned me a couple of cds to check out today. I see our friendship becoming much closer in the near future. Well, even without the cd collection, she's a pretty cool chick anyway.
Also, thank you to all of you who offered advice and suggestions about the money issues. I'm hoping to implement some of your suggestions in the near future. Have I told you lately how much I love you?
Money, Temptation, and Music
Then, while I was sitting there contemplating this whole situation, my brother calls me and tells me about this great employee discount that his company has been offered through Dell. Apparently through the end of April, they can get 35% off, plus another 12% off of Dell computers. He called to tell me because I've been questioning him about laptops lately because I desperately need to replace mine. It is slowly dying and I'm afraid that it is just going to give out any day now. If I bought one through Dell, right now, I could get almost half off. I want this so bad I was practically in tears because I know I can't buy anything else right now. Next to Zach, my laptop is probably the most important thing in my life. I know I can live without it, but I will always be upset that I missed this opportunity.
Brother also hooked me up with the new Tool cd. I'm not really a huge Tool fan, but I don't mind listening to them on occasion. I haven't even heard the whole thing yet, but so far it sounds pretty good.
Have you ever needed something so bad?
The money problems are getting worse. The job thing is not really worse, but feels worse. The wanting to stay at home with Zach thing is getting so bad it is almost unbearable. So unbearable that it is probably interfering quite a bit with the job thing.
Before Zach was born, hubby and I were trying to dig our way out of a mountain of debt. We were actually making some progress and things were looking up. All of a sudden, with the addition of day care, diapers, baby food, formula, and doctor bills, the mountain has started growing again. At the same time, hubby's employer cut down on the amount of allowed overtime. We are now at a point where we can no longer keep up. Something has to change and soon or we will be in some serious trouble. As of today I have resolved to not buy any more clothes, shoes, or any other item that is not absolutely necessary. I mean, seriously, who needs food anyway? It just makes you fat.
Yesterday afternoon I got to spend an extra two hours at home with Zach since I didn't get chosen for jury duty. Those two hours made the whole day worth it. I know he is happy at day care and has other kids to play with, but my heart just aches so bad because I miss him. I want to spend more time with him. I want to have the time to teach him new things and take him out to experience the world. I only get about two hours in the evening with him before he goes to bed and it just isn't enough. On the weekends I am so busy running errands or cleaning the house that I barely get to spend any time with him then either.
Today I read Amalah's post about quitting her job and I am so insanely jealous that its not even funny. I wish I could find the courage to do exactly what she is doing. If I thought there was any way we could make it financially I would quit today and try to get a freelance thing started up but I just don't have the education or experience to do what I want to do and make enough money to live on.
Hubby's dad has been trying to get him to come work for his company. They are hiring right now and he would make quite a bit more money. The only problem is that he would either have to move or travel back and forth. I'm not up for the move and he's not up for the traveling. He would work for 7 days and then be off for 7 days, but he feels like he would miss out on too much of Zach's life during the 7 days he would have to be gone. I understand that, but him working a job like that is probably the only way I would ever have a chance to stay at home. It would almost be worth the move just so I didn't have to work, but I would be miserable being so far away from my family.
The worst part of all of this is that hubby doesn't really know how bad off we are financially. He knows that we're broke most of the time, but he doesn't know just how bad it is. I know that we need to talk about it, but every time I bring it up he blows up before I can even get the words out of my mouth. He yells at me and makes me feel like it is all my fault, which it isn't. Just ask the big screen TV in the living room. I really don't know what to do about it. Thinking about it just makes me want to cry. Actually, everything lately just makes me want to cry.
Happy Easter
Friday night we attended the Good Friday service at our church. It is always a rather somber service, but you certainly couldn't have figured that out by the noise our kids were making. Between Zach, my two nephews, and the other little boy behind us you could have sworn you were standing in the middle of a playground during recess. They were all hyped up for some reason. After church my sister overheard a couple of older church ladies being negative nancies and commenting on the noisy kids. It's a good thing the preacher doesn't seem to mind.
After church, my dad went with us to our new favorite eating establishment, Granite City Brewery. The food there is great and from what I hear the beer is too. Too bad I can't stand the stuff. After dinner we went back to my sister's house, where my mom met up with us and watched movies until we were all falling asleep.
Saturday morning we took the boys to church for the annual Easter egg hunt. They all seemed to have a good time. Zach figured out how to pick up the eggs pretty quickly, but every time we made him put his eggs in his basket, he got really upset and started crying. He didn't quite get the concept that he had to put one egg down before he could pick up another one.
After the egg hunt, we had lunch and then went bowling. It was interesting trying to bowl while passing two babies back and forth in between turns. I think I bowled the worst two games I have ever bowled in my life. My 6-year-old nephew even had a higher score than I did. Of course, he had the benefit of the bumpers though (that's what I keep telling myself). I don't even remember what my score was now because I've been trying to erase the memory from my head ever since it happened.
Sunday morning we got up and went to church. Apparently the Easter Bunny decided to visit the boys at my dad's house, because when we got there after church, there were Easter baskets and eggs everywhere. Again, Zach didn't really like putting the eggs in his basket, so the other two boys ended up with most of the loot. Zach didn't seem to mind though, he was much more interested in the toys and books that were in his basket.
We had a nice dinner and a relaxing afternoon at my dad's house. Zach and I even got a quick nap in. Then we headed back home and back to reality where there were dirty dishes and a ton of laundry to be done. I sure do miss the days when I got the Monday after Easter off and could sit around being lazy and eating chocolate all day.
Come Back
I've been thinking a lot the last few days about my brother-in-law, Josh. On Wednesday, I attended the funeral of a co-worker's father. I had only met him a couple of times, but went to the funeral to offer my condolences to the family. I honestly wasn't sure how I would feel once I got there, but as I kind of expected, it was really hard for me. The second I walked up to the grave site, the memories of Josh's funeral came flooding back.
I have attended lots of funerals in my lifetime. I have lost several family members and a few friends along the way. But, up until Josh died, I had never been to a funeral where someone wasn't ill or died of natural causes. I had never been to a funeral for someone so young. Josh's death touched me and made me feel things that I have never had to feel before. I still don't really know how to process the whole thing.
What bothers me the most, is that I don't understand how someone so full of life and with so much to live for could feel like he had nothing to live for. He has a beautiful son who thinks the world of him and a family that loves him so much, yet he felt like he had nobody in the world. I don't understand it and I guess I never will.
Some days it still seems so unreal. We go through our day to day routine and don't think about him. It is like he is still down there in Louisiana doing his thing and next time we visit he will be there. Then suddenly the picture of him laying in his casket floods my mind and I know it is real. The feeling of sadness washes over my body with such intensity.
The lyrics to "Come Back" from the new Pearl Jam cd (yeah, I know, again with the Pearl Jam. I'm obsessed, ok?) keep rolling through my head. It may be that the lyrics were simply written about love lost, but to me, it is about death. To me, this will always be Josh's song.
Come Back by Pearl Jam
If I keep holding out will the light shine through?Under this broken roof, it’s only rain that I feel I’ve been wishing out the days…come back
I have been planning out all that I’d say to you Since you slipped away. Know that I still remain true I’ve been wishing out the days….
Please say, that if you hadn’t of gone now I wouldn’t have lost you another way From wherever you are….come back
And these days, they linger on
And in the night as I’m waiting for
The real possibility I may meet you in my dream I go to sleep
If I don’t fall apart will my memories stay clear So you had to go and I had to remain here
But the strangest thing to date
So far away
And yet you feel so close
And I’m not gonna question it any other way
There must be an open door
For you to come back
And the days, they linger on
And every night, what I’m waiting for
Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream
And sometimes you’re here and you’re talking back to me Come the morning I could swear you’re next to me And it’s okay.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
I’ll be here
Come back
Come back
I’ll be here
Flirting With Disaster
Now, you might think that a $25 purchase is not so bad considering all that I bought. The problem is that I really didn't have the extra $25 to spend. It might not have been so bad if I hadn't bought Zach's new adorable little Red Sox hat off of e-bay this morning. You see, I have a bit of a shopping problem. I LOVE to shop. I especially LOVE to shop when I think that I'm getting a great bargain. This is why Wal-Mart, Target, and Old Navy are my favorite stores. I almost always shop off of the clearance racks and end up with a really good deal or two. The problem is that my good deals tend to add up eventually and before I know it I've spent way more money than I planned on spending.
Today I spent $25 plus $13 and some change. But, I still have to get Zach some shoes for Easter because he has outgrown the ones he has and we passed them down to his (6 months older) cousin. Plus, I was really hoping to get myself some new sandals and a couple of bras that actually fit (I didn't realize just how much room that milk was taking up until I stopped the breastfeeding). This does not work so well into my trying to scrimp and save money plan. Somehow I have got to get my spending under control, get some debts paid off and start saving again.
In the near future, some of our baby expenses will go down. Zach is eating mostly table foods now so I don't have to buy as much baby food. Hopefully soon I won't have to buy any. We have cut down one bottle of formula a day and replaced it with whole milk which seems to be going well. Over the next couple of months I plan to phase out the formula completely. Plus, when he turns a year old, his day care costs will go down by $10 a week, which doesn't seem like much, but will make a difference. And, he is pretty well set for summer clothes now (in three different sizes) so unless he hits a major growth spurt I shouldn't have to buy any more clothes until fall.
Now the only problem is disciplining myself. I'm not so good at that. I do fine as long as I don't have to go to any stores, but the second I step in Target or Wal-mart to pick up a package of diapers, I lose control. Is this normal or am I just sick in the head?
PJ On My Mind
I've been sitting here all morning scheming up ways to get the mailman to run my route a little earlier on May 2nd so I can go home at lunch and get my hands on my pre-ordered copy. What do you think would work? Warm home baked chocolate chip cookies? Leaving the windows open while I run around the house naked? No, that would probably scare him away. Maybe I could teach Zach to say "Bring me my Pearl Jam, sucka!" The cuteness just might overwhelm him. Or, the other option is to just beg and plead until he is so annoyed that he gives in. That works with the hubby sometimes. As you can see, I'm just not very creative. I usually get what I want without having to work so hard for it. If you have any ideas, please share. I can use all the help I can get with this one.
I was thinking lastnight about when I first got into Pearl Jam. I was a little bit of a late bloomer when it comes to Pearl Jam. Most people I know who are the kind of Pearl Jam fanatic that I have become were there with them back in the beginning when Ten came out. Back then I was still recovering from my NKOTB phase and my musical tastes were all over the place. I had heard of Pearl Jam, and even knew a few of their songs, but it wasn't until my boyfriend brought over his copy of Vitalogy that I really got hooked. First, it was the slow songs like Nothingman, Corduroy, and Better Man that I got into. Eventually, the rest of the cd started growing on me and I had to go out and buy my own copy.
Just after I went off to college in 1996, No Code was released. I remember driving to St. Joe just to buy the cd. We immediately popped it into the cd player and it was love at first listen. Although I will never claim to have a favorite Pearl Jam album, if I had to pick one, it might be No Code. Not only do I absolutely love the cd, but it has a lot of sentimental value to it as well. It practically lived in my cd player during my college years...until Yield came out at least.
Some of my best memories during my college years are the Pearl Jam concerts that we went to. My ex-husband and his best friend are even bigger Pearl Jam fans than myself and the three of us, along with other various friends, went to several PJ shows during those years. My favorite of those being the one in Knoxville, which I'm sure I've mentioned here before. Ex-hubby's best friend was in the 3rd row at that show (the rest of us weren't that lucky) and was able to take a few pictures. I have one of Ed blown up that hangs on the wall right above my guitars. Every time I look at it the memories of that show come flooding back. What I wouldn't give to be able to make another road trip like that!
After college, my love for Pearl Jam faded just a little bit. The ex-hubby and I got divorced and listening to Pearl Jam brought back too many memories that I just wasn't able to face at the time. I bought Binaural when it came out, but didn't listen to it much. I just couldn't get into it then. It actually wasn't until after Riot Act was released that I went back to Binaural and could finally appreciate it. Once I started really listening to them again, my love was back in full force.
I've been to a couple of PJ shows since college and even as much as I love the band, it is just never the same as it was back in the college days. The difference is that now I don't have anyone to enjoy it with. A Pearl Jam concert is just not the same when you go with someone who isn't a big fan. One year I took a couple of friends and my brother with me. The next time I took hubby with me (the one who insists that PJ hasn't come out with anything good since Vs.). I enjoyed the shows, but it just hasn't ever been the same.
I'm really hoping and praying that PJ releases a Kansas City date on their summer tour. Hubby has already been informed that I am going with or without him. He is willing to go, but I would much rather go with someone who will really enjoy the concert. Anyone wanna go with me? If the leaked songs off of the new cd are any indication, this tour is going to be HUGE and I really want to be there.
Monday Comes Too Fast
We had a wonderful, yet exhausting weekend again. It is frustrating sometimes to keep up with the pace at which we live our lives, but at the same time, I know that it will only get worse as Zach gets older. I lucked out and got out of the Bunco game Friday night. Turns out that my friend had the date wrong and it was actually supposed to be Saturday instead of Friday. So, it got moved from her house to another house and unfortunately, I already had plans for Saturday.
So, instead of playing Bunco, we just hung out and visited instead which was quite alright with me. We didn't make it home until around 2:00 in the morning and then Zach decided I should stay up a bit longer. I finally got to bed around 3:00. Four short hours later, Zach was ready to get up for the day, which means I got to get up too. Usually Saturday morning is my day to sleep in while hubby gets up but since he downed a 12-pack the night before, I let him sleep.
Zach and I watched a movie and when it was over, I put him down for his morning nap. While he was asleep, I got dressed and went outside to work on the yard for a bit. I trimmed up the bushes in front of the house and raked the leaves out from under them that had been collecting all winter. While I did that, hubby got up and mowed the yard. It looks about 100% better than it did before.
After the yardwork was done, I went inside and did a majorly rushed clean-up of the house, took a quick shower and then we headed out to meet up with my sister and her family for my brother-in-law's birthday celebration. We went to Dave & Busters for dinner and some game playing. I totally kicked some butt playing Skee Ball. Zach was much more interested in watching the guys throwing the basketballs next to us. Future NBA star maybe?
When we had all blown through our money we went back to my house to have birthday cake and watch a movie. I made it through the cake, got Zach to bed, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the floor about 10 minutes into the movie. I'm such a good hostess! I woke up about the time the credits were rolling.
Sunday was a pretty busy day too. After church and dinner with my family, we all went to watch my nephew play soccer. I think this is his third year playing and he is getting much better. The last couple of years he had a really hard time keeping his head in the game. This year he is much more focused on where the ball is and even kept the other team from scoring a couple of goals. After the game we treated him to some ice cream at Dairy Queen and then finally headed home.I was so exhausted that I didn't do laundry or dishes or anything lastnight. I guess I have a fun night ahead of me tonight. Well, after I catch up on lastnight's episode of Big Love anyway.
I'm Too Sexy For This Blog
Re-Thinking the Breeding
In order to have my perfectly spaced kids, that means that I would need to start working on kid #2 by about the time that Zach turns a year old. That would give us three months to work on getting pregnant in order to have the second baby by the time Zach turns 2. It did take 2 1/2 years to get pregnant the first time, so I have no idea how long the second time will take.
Recently I have realized that Zach's 1st birthday is coming up REALLY quickly, like in less than three months, and suddenly I'm not so sure that I'm ready to start working on baby #2. I was very lucky with Zach and for the most part he has been a very easy-going kid. But, lately he has become more and more demanding and is testing my patience on a daily basis. I'm not so sure that I could even handle being pregnant and keeping up with him, much less having another baby to take care of. On top of that there is the whole financial thing to consider as well. Two kids in day care and diapers is a scary thought.
Plus, I still have about 20 more pounds to lose to meet my goal weight. Originally I wanted to be at my goal weight before getting pregnant again in hopes that it would make losing the second baby weight a little bit easier. I'm still losing weight, but not as quickly as I was before and I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to get rid of those 20 pounds in three months. It is possible, but I will have to get very strict again on the diet and for me summer and dieting don't work so well together.
A friend of mine had her second baby two weeks ago. As I watch her and her husband deal with their new little girl and 21-month-old boy, I think it might be possible. Then I wonder if I might miss some of Zach's baby days by rushing into having another one so quickly. Would he miss out on some of those precious moments that I want to give him because I am too busy or too tired to spend time with him? Or, would having a little baby brother or sister around enrich his life even more?
I always thought I had it all figured out. Now, I'm not so sure. I know I want to have another one, but now I wonder if my perfect timing that I always dreamed of might just be all wrong.
I DO Have a Brain In My Head
When I first took this job, it was meant to be somewhat temporary. My previous job had down-sized my department and basically gave me a demotion. I had been searching for a couple of months and hadn't found a job yet and I was getting desperate. I was living with my mom at the time and she told me that they might be able to use some help at the office. (This is all seeming strangely familiar. Perhaps I have written it before?) So, my position was created and all of a sudden I had a new job.
This job is about the farthest thing from what I wanted to be doing. I have a B.S. degree in Psychology. I was working on my Masters in Social Work (which I later quit due to some circumstances I could not work around). I wanted to be in the business of helping people. So, instead, I took a job doing bookeeping and general office odds and ends. Smart move on my part, huh?
Time went on and the office atmosphere got worse and worse. I was working under two bosses and they each wanted to be top dog. It got so bad that I ended up having to go to the doctor and get put on medicine for anxiety. Eventually, the good boss decided that I had had enough and he stole me away and put me only on his payroll so that the bad boss couldn't tell me what to do anymore. This worked for a while and even though I wasn't totally satisfied with my job, I could live with it.
Now, the good boss is gone (I won't explain the situation again, but if you missed it look back in the archives) and his father and the bad boss are now in cahoots and are ruining his business. They say that they are going to make it better and that it will be more profitable but everything they are doing goes totally against the way that the good boss does business. They are putting policies and rules into place that basically prevent my mom and I from making any decisions or using our brains. They are turning our jobs into something that a high-schooler could easily do.
This is not what I signed up for. My boss trusts me. He trusts that I am capable of making decisions. He knows that I will come to him if anything is unusual or if I need his help on something. He trusts me to carry out the daily functions of my job without needing a baby-sitter. All of that is going to be gone very soon.
When it comes to my job, I prefer to be fairly independent. I like being given responsibilites and trusted to carry them out. In most cases, I am willing to go above and beyond what is expected of me. I know my limitations and I know when to ask for help. But, if I am not even allowed to think for myself how will I get any satisfaction from my job? If I wanted a totally mindless job, I could always go flip burgers at McDonald's.
I am still determined to stay here until my boss gets back. Well, unless I get fired first for being beligerant or something. I can't give up on someone who has done so much for me. It just goes against everything that I am to leave when he is down and really needs me here.
I think what bothers me the most about all of this is that he doesn't even know what is going on. His father and his business partner are completely ruining his business and not even giving him a chance to try to stop them. The whole thing just makes me want to cry. It just is not right or fair to do this to him right now.
The Urge Is Back
Friday night we found out that a friend of ours was playing a show with his new band on Saturday. It seems like eons ago now, but once upon a time hubby and I were really into the local band scene. We had friends that were in a band and we used to go see them play, along with several other bands that we got to know. A few of the bands we liked split up, I got pregnant, and since then we haven't really been a part of that scene.
So, when this came up, we decided it would be fun to go check them out. We called my mom up and she agreed to baby-sit so we could go out for a few hours. We dusted off our "going out" clothes, got dressed, and I even put on a little bit of make-up.
As I walked into the bar, I had the feeling of being totally out of my element. I can't remember the last time we went out to a place like that. After a few minutes our friends showed up that we were meeting there and I started to relax a bit. As soon as the band started playing, I felt right at home. Well, except for the smoke that had already managed to kick my allergies into overdrive.
My friend's band was actually pretty good. I wasn't really sure what to expect from them. It was their first show and they were all a bit nervous, but totally excited at the same time. The music was great. The only thing I wasn't totally sold on was the singer. He had a great singing voice but there was something about his attitude and mannerisms that I just couldn't get past.
After they finished we decided to stick around and watch the next band. I wasn't really impressed with them, but they did have an awesome bass player who was also so incredibly hot that I couldn't take my eyes off of him. The consensus of all the girls around me was that the band wasn't that great, but well worth listening to just to watch the bass player.
By the time we left, hubby and I were both ready to go home and jam it up on our guitars. Watching the bands play and feeling the energy of the music really inspired me to want to play again. Once upon a time I had dreams of actually being in a band. However, my guitar is one of the hobbies that went by the wayside when I got pregnant and I really miss it. I am now determined to find some time to pick it up again, even if I have to play unplugged after Zach goes to bed.
We ended up leaving before the last band because, well, we're getting old. Hubby and I were both pretty tired and knew that we had to get up early the next morning, plus we were already going to lose an hour of sleep with the whole Daylight Savings Time thing.
All in all, it was a pretty fun night. It made me realize just how much I missed the live music.