drifting away...

Dear Zachary,

It has been eleven months now since the day that we first met. You would think that I would know you pretty well by now, but you still continue to surprise me every day. Just when I think I have you figured out, you go and do something completely different than what I am expecting. You really surprised me one night when I looked up to see you standing all by yourself without holding on to anything but your sippy cup.

One of the most exciting things I have noticed about you recently is that you have started reacting to praise, which also means you are starting to understand words and physical cues a little better. You have been trying really hard to get some new words out, but I still can't understand most of what you say. Sometimes it sounds as if you are trying to imitate the words I say and other times it just sounds like jibberish. One word you definitely understand is no. Every time I say "no" to you, you start saying "nonononononononono& quot; and shake your head. I never realized that I was shaking my head when I said no until you started doing it too. Now I catch myself doing it all the time. It's just too bad you don't comply and stop whatever you are doing when I use that word. I suppose that will come with time...hopefully.

I have really been having fun praising you when you do something good. Every time you do something new I now have to clap my hands and say "yay Zach" and you get so excited. You just think it is the coolest thing ever and when you do the same action again, you wave your hands in the air and holler to get my attention and show me what you have done. This has become quite a ritual at dinnertime. I got excited the first time you actually placed your cup (right side up) in the cup holder part of your high chair tray, so now every time you do it you expect the same level of excitement. And, really, it is still exciting-even after the twentieth time.

We have also been playing a really fun game almost every night after your bath. Daddy and I both get down in the floor with you. We sit across from each other and then you walk back and forth between the two of us. You started out only able to take about two steps at a time, but a couple nights ago I counted nine whole steps before you stumbled and fell to your knees. You get really excited about this whole process, giggling and squealing the whole time. I have really loved watching your progress. When we first started doing this, only a couple weeks ago, it seemed that you were just stumbling as you fell forward. Now you have taught yourself to slow down and re-gain your balance as needed so you can take a few more steps.

We had a couple of really bad weeks this month while you were teething. You now have a total of 7 teeth, with the eighth about to appear any day now. During the same time you developed a cold and a very bad ear infection. Mommy was up with you several times a night while your little body was working through that. You finished off another bottle of anti-biotics and now seem to be feeling much better. I'm still trying to catch up on my sleep, but you are back to your normal sleep schedule. In fact, you are sleeping even longer than usual since I finally got some curtains up in your room to darken it a bit.

There is only one more month left before you turn one year old. June is going to be a big month, and althought I'm looking forward to it, I wish I could freeze every moment I have with you right now. You are so much fun to be around. Your personality and character are really coming out as you discover this big world in your own little way. I could spend all day just watching you and never get bored. I want to savor every single moment I have with you. These last eleven months have been the best of my life.

Love always,
Mama

 Several times a day I find myself thinking up little scenarios in my head.  Some might call it daydreaming.  I like to call it my very own little fantasy world.  In my fantasy world, things always go just the way I want them to.  The happenings in my fantasy world are usually sparked by something in the real world that has recently happened.  For instance, as I was pulling into the parking lot at work a few minutes ago, I saw a man that looked very similar to a guy I was friends with in high school.  I knew it wasn't really my friend, but I played out an entire interaction with him in my head, even inviting him to the bbq at my house this weekend.  In my fantasy world I found out that he is now married, has a baby, and has a job that he loves.  He had just met with a client at my office building and was on his way back to the office for the afternoon.  He also was very happy to see me and couldn't wait to catch up.  We exchanged e-mail addresses and phone numbers and he was on his way.

Then, there was this morning at work, when I was fantasizing that my mother suddenly had to leave and go far, far, away for three months and that I could have no contact with her whatsoever until she returned.  I'm pretty sure that idea came from the fact that she was talking my ear off from the moment I walked in the door until I left for lunch.  The last two days with her out of the office were kinda nice.  This may be the only time ever in my life that I actually wished for it to be Monday again.

Also, when I was at home for lunch the mailman passed by our house.  Hubby is alwasy teasing me that since Zach doesn't look much like him, he must be the mailman's son instead.  So, I just happened to be outside with the dogs when super-hot mailman passed by our house.  In my fantasy world, mailman was even hotter and um, well, um...I'll just leave that little fantasy in my head I think, but you get the idea.

This is our new puppy Isabel, or "Izzy" for short.  I picked her up yesterday and absolutely fell in love with her the minute I saw her.  She is so cute and spunky and she is already very attached to me.  If I put her down either in the yard or the house, she just follows me around.

Zach showed his affection for Izzy right away.  When I showed her to him he leaned his head over, put his cheek up to hers and gave her a little hug.  Since then, every time I let him get close enough, he tries to either kiss or hug her.  He doesn't quite understand how fragile she is though or how strong he is compared to the tiny puppy.

I really hated leaving her at home this morning, but I know she'll be fine.  She's not very fond of her kennel.  She would much rather be snuggling up in someone's lap.  When I left I could hear her whining in the other room.  It was almost as bad as the first day I left Zach at day care, but not quite.

Thanks for all of the name suggestions I received!  Isabel popped into my head just before I left to go pick her up and as soon as I saw her I knew it was the right name.

Tomorrow I will be the proud owner of a new little furry baby in the form of a puppy.  Yes, I think I am slightly insane as this will make for a total of 4 animals (2 dogs, 2 cats) in our house along with the little human that seems to think he needs to start walking any day now.  I actually got off work tomorrow afternoon so that I can drive an hour to go pick up the puppy.  I have been out shopping the last two days buying all the supplies for our new little girl.  I think we have everything we could possibly need now.  The only thing I don't have for her is a name.  This is where you come in.  I have a couple of ideas, but so far nothing that I really like.  I'm looking for something cute, but not cheesy.  She is a chihuahua/toy fox terrier mix so she will be a small dog and I need a name that fits her.  Here's a picture of her with her brothers and sisters:

She's the one on the very left side.  The lighter colored one.  Please leave some name suggestions in the comments.

I totally love Pearl Jam (in case anyone didn't know that already).  
But, I forgot how much I love this song: 

Don't it make you smile? 
Don't it make you smile?
When the sun don't shine
Don't it make you smile?

Don't it make you smile?
Don't it make me smile? yeah
When the sun don't shine, it don't shine at all, yeah
Don't it make me smile?

I miss you already, yeah, I miss you always
I miss you already, yeah, I miss you all day
This is how I feel
I, I miss you already, yeah, I miss you always
The crooked heart swells all around, yeah, I miss you all day

The crooked heart swells all around, yeah
Don't it make you smile?
Don't it make you smile?
The crooked heart swells all around

Saturday morning I woke up at 7:30 a.m. to the familiar sound of Zach chatting away through the baby monitor.  I layed there and listened to him for a few minutes with a smile on my face before climbing out of bed.  Then I stumbled into the kitchen to fix him a cup of milk and headed back to his room.  As I cracked his door open, I heard a squeal of delight.  I looked up to see a huge smile on the face of my beautiful baby boy.

As has become our usual Saturday morning custom, I picked Zach up and took him to the living room.  I turned the TV on and chose a recorded episode of Jack's Big Music Show from the Tivo.  Zach cuddled up in my lap, drank his milk, and ate a few cheerios from my hand as he bounced to the music.  Once his belly was full, he was ready to get down and play.  I sat, perfectly content, watching him fiddle with each toy as he removed it from his toy bin.

After playing for a while, he started getting fussy and was ready for his morning nap.  While he was napping, hubby and I decided to watch a movie.  Just as the movie was getting toward the end, Zach woke back up.  I brought him back into the living room to play with his toys while we finished the movie.  He wasn't very interested in the toys, however, instead choosing to climb up onto my lap and snuggle  with me.

As the movie ended, hubby and I started tickling and playing with Zach, trying to hear that little giggle that brings so much joy to our lives.  Zach wasn't so much in a ticklish mood, choosing instead to curl back up in my lap and give hugs and kisses.  As I hugged my son, suddenly I got a choked up feeling in the back of my throat and tears started welling up in my eyes.  As I looked at him, all of the love that I feel for my son came rushing at me and all I could think was "I made this."  I held him tight and vowed to myself that I would never, under any circumstances, forget the feeling I had right at that second.  Motherhood is so awesome.

You would think with all the hype and all of the posts that I have devoted to Pearl Jam lately, that I would be listening to the new cd non-stop.  You would think wrong.  For one thing, I still haven't received my pre-ordered cd in the mail.  I'm starting to get a little bit pissed off about that, but that's not why I'm not listening to them.  I did take advantage of the free download so I have the tracks.

The real reason I'm not listening to my beloved Pearl Jam is that after hearing Katherine McPhee's rendition of "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" on AI the other night I can't stop listening to K.T. Tunstall.  I discovered her a while back and immediately downloaded her cd through Rhapsody.  I listened to her non-stop for a couple of weeks until I finally had gotten my fill and could move on to other music. 

K.T. Tunstall's voice is so soothing to me.  With all of the things going on in my life lately and the mood I have been in, listening to her just reaches in and warms me in ways that I can't really explain.  I haven't felt this way about a female singer since I first discovered Sarah McLachlan way back in high school (Thanks again, Manuel!).  She just does something for me.  She makes me feel when I would prefer to be numb.

I looked up lastnight to find Zach standing up on his own, with both hands occupied by his cup.  He wasn't holding on to ANYTHING!  Fortunately I had the camera in my hand when he did it.  He has also been getting much more steady with the walking over the last few days.  It won't be long now!

After forcing myself not to write everything that popped into my head last week (because I would have spent every hour of every day blogging) now I am having writer's block.  It might have something to do with Zach waking up about every two hours lastnight and the amount of sleep that I got because of that.  Not sure.  I do know that one of the times that I woke up to the sounds of a screaming baby I was dreaming about Pearl Jam.  Too bad I didn't get to finish that one out.

We had a great weekend.  Zach has started taking a few steps with only one hand being held instead of both.  I got to spend almost two full hours yesterday just playing with him in the floor with no other distractions and it was awesome.

More later...if I can wake myself up.

p.s.  I'm trying this new thing out.  Really it is just for fun, but if I can publish a few articles in the meantime and make some money, it is even better.  Articles are automatically published after 200 clicks, so if you have some free time, go here and click away.