drifting away...

Dear Zachary,

Yesterday you turned 13 months old.  I have three words for you that pretty much sum up this month.  MOLARS. FROM. HELL. Seriously, don't you think it is about time to let those things come on through and join the other 8 teeth?  I'm sure they would love to have a little company in that big mouth of yours.  There is plenty of room.  Plus, then we can start feeding you chunks of steak and such that require actual chewing. 

Thanks to those teeth, your usual appetite has really dwindled.  Well, it's either the teeth or you just decided to slow down a little with the growing, which is okay becuase that means I don't have to buy so many clothes.  But, you used to eat pretty much anything I set in front of you and here lately you aren't interested in food much at all.  It gets a little frustrating for me because I used to be able to give you a snack to settle you down when I needed a few minutes to use my hands.  Now you just want to be held all the time, unless I want to hold you and then you want down.

The teeth are also really disrupting my nightly routine.  Before the molars interuppted, you were going to bed around 8:00 every night.  I took you in your room, turned on your little light up music playing thingie, gave you a pacifier, and put you down in your crib.  You then would roll over and go to sleep, usually without any crying or fussing.  These days I'm lucky to get you down by 9:00, and that is after an hour of screaming, snuggling, rocking, Tylenol, and Orajel. This leaves only about an hour before Mommy crashes to do the household chores and spend time with Daddy.  I really miss that extra hour.

The upside to you going to bed so late, is that you are sleeping later in the morning.  I have to actually wake you up in the mornings now instead of rushing through my shower and hoping you don't wake up before I have a chance to throw some clothes on.  When I do come to get you up, you sit up in your crib with a huge smile on your face.  Then you stand up and jump up and down until I reach in to grab you up and give you a hug.  That is my absolute favorite time in the morning.  I'm not a morning person at all, but you always help to start my day out right.

You are getting to be such a big boy all of a sudden.  These days I have a hard time calling you a a baby anymore.  You really are a toddler now.  Even though your words aren't very clear yet, you still manage to tell me what you want most of the time.  You are getting very good at pointing to your cup when you want a drink, or to Daddy's guitar when you want him to play for you (which is pretty much all the freakin' time).  You have also finally learned how to turn yourself around and back down off of couches, chairs, and beds so Mommy doesn't get quite so scared when she sees you heading for the edge.

It really makes me quite sad to see how fast you are growing up.  But, at the same time I am so proud of everything you have accomplished in your short life.  I absolutely love watching you grow up and change.  Recently you have started mimicking Daddy and I, especially when we laugh or make a weird noise.  It is so much fun to listen to you.  I can't think of a better sound than the sound of you laughing.

I really hope that someday you will read this and have at least a little bit of an idea of how much I really, truly, deeply, love you.  It is so hard to convey in words the feelings that are in my heart.  You are an amazing little boy and no matter how frustrated I may get with you at times, I hope you always know that it is out of love.

Love always,

Mama

I know this is a week late now, but I just finally got a chance to finish writing it and choose from the hundreds of pictures I've taken this month.

June 26, 2006

Dear Zachary,

One year ago today I was lying in a hospital bed waiting for your arrival. I was so anxious to see your face I could barely stand it. When you were finally born and I got to see your face for the first time I was instantly in love. I'm not sure I even knew that such a strong feeling could exist before that moment happened. I remember looking up at your Daddy and thinking that he must be feeling the same thing.

In only twelve short months you have changed from a completely helpless infant to a walking, climbing, talking toddler. Every month I think to myself that this age must be the best age. Then the next month I am surprised when I think the same thing again. Every little stage you go through is so much fun to experience.

During the last month you have really changed. You started walking on your own and even though you are still a little wobbly at times, you can pretty much get wherever you want to. Daddy and I have let you have a little more freedom in the house and you love to walk around and explore.

Along with the walking has come more and more climbing. I think you must be pretty intelligent because you can always figure out a way to get to those things that are just out of your reach. I love watching you use your toys to stand on so you can get just a little bit higher. One day I was sitting on the couch typing on my computer and before I knew it you climbed up into my lap. I was so surprised to see you up there.

My absolute favorite thing these days is to sit around and just listen to you talk. It is really just babble, but you seem to think you are having a totally legitimate conversation. Most of the time you are saying something like "dabba dabba dabba" like you are on the Flinstones or something. Sometimes you ask us questions and point at an object, but we're not quite sure what you are asking. I wish I knew because I would love to be able to answer you correctly. You have learned how to tell Daddy and I what you want. You point with your finger and say words that we can't understand, but we can usually figure out what you mean. When we can't you are quick to let us know that we didn't do the right thing.

Recently you have developed a favorite blankie. I made you a nice, soft, fleece blanket for your bedroom because it tends to get a little chilly in there in the winter. I never expected you to become so attached to it. It seems to be your comfort item. All I have to do is wrap you up in your blankie, give you a pacifier, and rock you a little bit to send you off to dreamland. It was really nice to have when we traveled to Arizona this month because I could easily get you down for a nap or bedtime.

Dinnertime has become very interesting with you lately. We've been working hard trying to get you to eat from a plate and use a fork or spoon. You really like the fork, but don't really use it to eat with. You would rather play with it and throw it at Zeke. You really seem to have no use at all for the plate. You prefer instead to dump the food off of it and toss it in the floor. Sometimes (when I'm lucky) you hand the plate to me instead of tossing it. Then, once the food is dumped out on your highchair tray you like to smash it up real good with your hands. You have also decided that you have no use for bibs anymore so dinnertime is always nice and messy as well.

We had your birthday party a day early since your birthday was on a Monday. It was a Baby Einstein themed party. All of our family that lives close by was there plus most of our good friends. We had a barbeque where you chowed down on hot dogs and cheetos. Then we opened presents before letting you dig into your cake. You got a lot of really cool learning toys that will be good for you to play with now and as you get a little older. You had a great time eating your cake. You got to have your own little individual cake and tried to stuff the whole thing in your mouth at once. I think we had as much fun watching you as you had eating it.

This year, I have felt things that I never knew it was possible to feel. You have enriched my life and brought happiness to our family in so many ways. Every day that you are in my life, I feel like the luckiest mom in the whole world. I cannot wait to see what you have in store for us in the coming year. I love you so much!

Love always,
Mama